I’ll take a cup of chi to go, please…

Years ago I went to see an herbalist in the hopes to find some relief from the anxiety and exhaustion I was experiencing. After sitting and talking for a bit, she grabbed my hands while gently massaging my wrists.  With compassion she looked me straight in the eyes and said “your chi is gone”. Uh?? What???? 

It has taken me seven years but I finally got it.  Or at least I’ve begun to. The definition of chi that she was speaking of is “that which is the vital energy believed to circulate round the body in currents”.  In simpler terms I believe it to be the “force” (for my sci-fi geek friends) or the “spirit” (for my spiritual friends) and “energy or fuel” (for my scientific friends).  Feel free to correct me on that if necessary.

Just the other day I heard the not so silent whisper again. “Your chi is gone”.   Laughter ensued instead of confusion. Of course, my chi was gone.  I spent a lot of years in the story of “If only I’m enough, they (whoever THAT is) will approve of me and love me”.   Hell, even now while I type this blog I wonder if enough people will read it and if they do will it speak to them.  Is my writing good enough?

We all have the “am I enough” story to some extent.  Who doesn’t want to be loved and accepted for everything they are?  But if we run around trying to be “enough” for everyone, we lose our steam and it drains that energy right out of our body and into whatever person, place, feeling or thing we are trying to control and hold on to.   It’s like carrying around a suitcase full of bricks and CHOOSING every day to wake up and grab that suitcase and take it with us wherever we go.  Sometimes, we end up picking up more bricks on the way throughout our day.  No wonder by the end of the day we end up so exhausted.  Look at the load we’ve been carrying around with us.  Find me the remote, get me something to snack on and leave me be until I the morning.  I’m sure you can all relate to this story.

Don’t get me wrong, these bricks are important.  They can help us create a life that we always wanted.  We just have to be willing to set them down and take them out of the suitcase.  Then we can use them for stepping stones to get to where we want to go instead of carrying them around with us having them take up space and drain us of our energy. 

Tonight, while being grateful for the strength and tenacity I had to carry it around all these years, I will set my suit case down for the last time.  If, for some reason I change my mind and decide to pick it up in the morning, I will take out one of the bricks to lighten my load.  Just think, by tomorrow morning I can be five or ten pounds lighter!

I encourage you to take one of your bricks out of your suitcase.  Maybe it’s your “if only” or “when I finally” brick.  Take the brick out, look at it, marvel at it and thank it for the path it is going to create for you in the near future.  Then you can choose whether or not to put the brick back into your suitcase or to lighten your load.  It’s up to you.

May the “chi” be with you, now and always…

I Feel So Good, What's Wrong With Me?

“I feel so good, something must be wrong with me”. The words muttered out of my subconscious and seeped into my thoughts. Allow me to explain. One of my best friends introduced me recently to a whole food supplement that provides your body with many of the vitamins and amino acids that it needs. She is someone I would trust with my life and hearing her results I figured I would give it a try.

 

I took the first PM capsule two Sunday evenings ago. I woke up the next Monday feeling so alive and present, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I had no brain fog, my sinuses were clear and I felt happy and energetic. Wait, it’s Monday morning. Aren’t I supposed to be dreading being awake this early and having to go into work? I shook off the questioning, made myself the “morning mix” and went to work. By the time I got into the office, I was almost in a complete panic attack. I kept thinking “this can’t be true, I feel so good”. I sat at my desk almost paralyzed thinking “something must be wrong, I feel too good.”

Using my coaching experience I was able to sit in that feeling. While sitting in silence for a few minutes asking God “what am I supposed to know here?” it hit me. I had a deep subconscious belief that “I don’t deserve to feel good”. This hit the pit of my stomach, it didn’t feel good. Well there you have it! I got to prove that I didn’t feel good but feeling awful about it. Talk about a paradox. I got out my journal, had a conversation with myself and was able to recognize where this stemmed from. The good news is now it has been exposed and that when it comes up again, I can welcome in the feeling and let it know that it no longer serves me and send it on its way.

After hearing of Whitney Houston’s tragic death, it made me wonder if she had that feeling too. The feeling of “I don’t deserve to feel good. I don’t deserve success, etc.” Was she so afraid of her light that she chose to stay in the dark?

For me, the dark is my comfort zone. I know it well. It helps me stay small and not play full out in my life. It allows me to blame the world and everyone in it for not getting what I deserve. I’ve lived there a long time. There had been glimpses of light here and there but it was few and far between. Fortunately, I’ve had the support and courage to move through this and choose to play in the light more than the dark these days.

I share this with you today because I want you all to know that YOU DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD! YOU DESERVE THE LIFE THAT GOD HAS INTENDED FOR YOU. TO BE HAPPY, HEALTHY AND SUCCESSFUL IN WHATEVER YOU DO. Life is not about surviving, it’s about thriving and sharing your special self with the world.

In order to step into our light, we must be able to accept that we in fact have a “dark side” (the running joke is that there are cookies there). When we resist that is exists, it creeps up in our lives and sabotages our best intentions. We end up “feeding” the part of us that believes that we don’t deserve good and abundance in our lives.

I would like to invite you to tune into the OWN Network on Sunday to introduce yourself to your Shadow by checking out one of my teacher and mentor’s interviews and screening of the movie The Shadow Effect. Her name is Debbie Ford and she introduced me to my Shadow and has assisted me and thousands of other’s discover their own dazzling light. You can click here for more information.

And as I wrap it up, I would like to seal it with a big bow and share a few beautiful words created by Marianne Williamson (Our Deepest Fear):

“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

With love and respect,

Mary