“I feel so good, something must
be wrong with me”. The words muttered out of my subconscious and seeped into my
thoughts. Allow me to explain. One of my best friends introduced me recently to
a whole food supplement that provides your body with many of the vitamins and
amino acids that it needs. She is someone I would trust with my life and
hearing her results I figured I would give it a try.
I took the first
PM capsule two Sunday evenings ago. I woke up the next Monday feeling so alive
and present, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I had no brain fog, my
sinuses were clear and I felt happy and energetic. Wait, it’s Monday morning.
Aren’t I supposed to be dreading being awake this early and having to go into
work? I shook off the questioning, made myself the “morning mix” and went to
work. By the time I got into the office, I was almost in a complete panic
attack. I kept thinking “this can’t be true, I feel so good”. I sat at my desk
almost paralyzed thinking “something must be wrong, I feel too good.”
Using my
coaching experience I was able to sit in that feeling. While sitting in silence
for a few minutes asking God “what am I supposed to know here?” it hit me. I
had a deep subconscious belief that “I don’t deserve to feel good”. This hit
the pit of my stomach, it didn’t feel good. Well there you have it! I got to
prove that I didn’t feel good but feeling awful about it. Talk about a paradox.
I got out my journal, had a conversation with myself and was able to recognize
where this stemmed from. The good news is now it has been exposed and that when
it comes up again, I can welcome in the feeling and let it know that it no
longer serves me and send it on its way.
After hearing of
Whitney Houston’s tragic death, it made me wonder if she had that feeling too.
The feeling of “I don’t deserve to feel good. I don’t deserve success, etc.”
Was she so afraid of her light that she chose to stay in the dark?
For me, the dark
is my comfort zone. I know it well. It helps me stay small and not play full
out in my life. It allows me to blame the world and everyone in it for not
getting what I deserve. I’ve lived there a long time. There had been glimpses
of light here and there but it was few and far between. Fortunately, I’ve had
the support and courage to move through this and choose to play in the light
more than the dark these days.
I share this
with you today because I want you all to know that YOU DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD!
YOU DESERVE THE LIFE THAT GOD HAS INTENDED FOR YOU. TO BE HAPPY, HEALTHY AND
SUCCESSFUL IN WHATEVER YOU DO. Life is not about surviving, it’s about thriving
and sharing your special self with the world.
In order to step
into our light, we must be able to accept that we in fact have a “dark side”
(the running joke is that there are cookies there). When we resist that is
exists, it creeps up in our lives and sabotages our best intentions. We end up
“feeding” the part of us that believes that we don’t deserve good and abundance
in our lives.
I would like to
invite you to tune into the OWN Network on Sunday to introduce yourself to your
Shadow by checking out one of my teacher and mentor’s interviews and screening
of the movie The Shadow Effect. Her name is
Debbie Ford and she introduced me to my Shadow and has assisted me and
thousands of other’s discover their own dazzling light. You can click here for more information.
And as I wrap it
up, I would like to seal it with a big bow and share a few beautiful words
created by Marianne Williamson (Our Deepest Fear):
“And as we
let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do
the same.”
With love and
respect,
Mary