Years ago I went to see an herbalist in the hopes to find some relief from the anxiety and exhaustion I was experiencing. After sitting and talking for a bit, she grabbed my hands while gently massaging my wrists. With compassion she looked me straight in the eyes and said “your chi is gone”. Uh?? What????
It has taken me seven years but I finally got it. Or at least I’ve begun to. The definition of chi that she was speaking of is “that which is the vital energy believed to circulate round the body in currents”. In simpler terms I believe it to be the “force” (for my sci-fi geek friends) or the “spirit” (for my spiritual friends) and “energy or fuel” (for my scientific friends). Feel free to correct me on that if necessary.
Just the other day I heard the not so silent whisper again. “Your chi is gone”. Laughter ensued instead of confusion. Of course, my chi was gone. I spent a lot of years in the story of “If only I’m enough, they (whoever THAT is) will approve of me and love me”. Hell, even now while I type this blog I wonder if enough people will read it and if they do will it speak to them. Is my writing good enough?
We all have the “am I enough” story to some extent. Who doesn’t want to be loved and accepted for everything they are? But if we run around trying to be “enough” for everyone, we lose our steam and it drains that energy right out of our body and into whatever person, place, feeling or thing we are trying to control and hold on to. It’s like carrying around a suitcase full of bricks and CHOOSING every day to wake up and grab that suitcase and take it with us wherever we go. Sometimes, we end up picking up more bricks on the way throughout our day. No wonder by the end of the day we end up so exhausted. Look at the load we’ve been carrying around with us. Find me the remote, get me something to snack on and leave me be until I the morning. I’m sure you can all relate to this story.
Don’t get me wrong, these bricks are important. They can help us create a life that we always wanted. We just have to be willing to set them down and take them out of the suitcase. Then we can use them for stepping stones to get to where we want to go instead of carrying them around with us having them take up space and drain us of our energy.
Tonight, while being grateful for the strength and tenacity I had to carry it around all these years, I will set my suit case down for the last time. If, for some reason I change my mind and decide to pick it up in the morning, I will take out one of the bricks to lighten my load. Just think, by tomorrow morning I can be five or ten pounds lighter!
I encourage you to take one of your bricks out of your suitcase. Maybe it’s your “if only” or “when I finally” brick. Take the brick out, look at it, marvel at it and thank it for the path it is going to create for you in the near future. Then you can choose whether or not to put the brick back into your suitcase or to lighten your load. It’s up to you.
May the “chi” be with you, now and always…
