The Addict Within Us

Addiction is a solution to an emotional need. If you deprive someone of one solution to their emotional problems, it’s not surprising that they’ll find another one instead --- Dr. Lance Does, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the author of Breaking Addiction.

We lost another talented, young and vibrant star this week to addiction.  His name is Cory. Saddened by the news, I wondered what his story was.  Why, when it seemed like he had everything, he chose to numb himself with drugs.  Reading the quote above just a few minutes ago helped me understand slightly and had me questioning my own addictions.  I am grateful that I never got into heavy drugs or alcohol but that doesn’t mean that I am not an addict.  Honestly I think that we are all addicts in some form or another.  Maybe we’re addicted to work, sugar, shopping, sex, the internet, our comfort zone, our story, etc. 

My name is Mary and I’m a self-improvement addict (pause to hear the “Hi, Mary” inside my head).  My bookshelf and storage bins are full of self-improvement books.  I spent 3 years engulfed in an integrative life coaching course.  I’ve done meditation, yoga, guided breathing, exercise, herbal remedies.  I’ve thrown time, money and energy into coming up with a “solution” to what I thought my problem was.  The gift of my addiction is that I now have a shed full of “power tools” on which I can depend on when I need them to assist me with my discovery. 

Now for the a-ha moment.  I was talking to my mom about how the “old behaviors” weren’t working for me anymore and I was sitting in a place of “I don’t know” when it came to figuring out what the new behaviors might be.  You see, the one thing I had used to put in place of the old behaviors was my teacher, mentor and friend Debbie Ford.  Debbie was ripped from my life and the life of thousands earlier this year.  I miss her often and I sometimes feel lost because her physical presence is gone.  It occurred to me that I was attached to her physical presence, addicted you might say and because I was using her to fill that emotional void, I was now lost for she is no longer “here”.  This realization has been both exhilarating and frustrating.  Frustrating if I want to stay addicted to my story of needing to “fill” that emotional void or exhilarating because I understand that there isn’t a void to fill.  She’s given me and all of us tools to do our own work that will finally set us free.

This work is all about emotions and not making yourself wrong  for any of them, no matter what. Emotional education might not be easy or comfortable for most of us because we aren’t used to it, but I FEEL that we owe it ourselves to become self-expressed and set ourselves free from our addictions.  Don’t you?

Just breathe into it…

I lost my mentor to cancer this week.  She wasn’t only my mentor.  She was a friend, a teacher, a soul sister and favorite aunt all in one.  Her name is Debbie Ford.

I met Debbie seven years ago at my first Shadow Process and since then my life has changed in poignant, powerful and positive ways.  It has too been changed in ways that I have yet to realize.   

This week has been one of the hardest weeks I have had in years.  It reminded me of the week after my father had died.  How unbelievably numb I was and how I went from laughter to tears to anger in the blink of an eye. I had no idea that Debbie’s transition would have such a deep impact, although I should not really be all that surprised.  She saved my life. 

It was a few years ago.  I was attending a training intensive of The Ford Institute’s and I will never forget the words out of her mouth the first night we were there.  She stood in front of all of us and said “some of you are going to find out that you don’t even want to be here”.  Maybe she meant we didn’t want to be in the room but I heard it and felt it as maybe we didn’t want to be on this earth.  I was shaken to the core, much like I have been this week but there is one big difference between that night and tonight.  I want to be here, I need to be here, there is still work left for me to do.

Debbie taught me many things.  She taught me to look inside of myself with new eyes.  Compassionate eyes that could see forgiveness, understanding, acceptance and most of all love.  But the one lesson that I am hanging on to this week is whenever I am feeling lost, alone, and most of all scared to death is to just “breathe into it”. 

You see, whenever we were having emotions through this process (and there were many because this work is all about emotional freedom) Debbie and her staff would remind us “If you are having emotions, just breathe into it”.

This week I have found a new appreciation for my breath and how it plays such an integral role in my well being. I have found myself slowing down and remembering to just breathe, that this too will pass. 

And what I know for sure is that if it wasn’t for what I learned through Debbie and her amazing spirit, I would not be able to sit in this and feel exactly what I need to feel.  As for the rest of it, I don’t know and as Debbie always liked to remind us knowing is the “boobie prize”.  For if we think that we know “it all” we end up closing our selves off to new possibilities.  And in these new possibilities live growth and continual transformation.

Thank you, Debbie for all you have done and for all you continue to do in my life.  You are now officially larger than life and I can feel your energy all around us.

Breathing into it…

 

For more on Debbie’s work go to www.debbieford.com