The Addict Within Us

Addiction is a solution to an emotional need. If you deprive someone of one solution to their emotional problems, it’s not surprising that they’ll find another one instead --- Dr. Lance Does, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the author of Breaking Addiction.

We lost another talented, young and vibrant star this week to addiction.  His name is Cory. Saddened by the news, I wondered what his story was.  Why, when it seemed like he had everything, he chose to numb himself with drugs.  Reading the quote above just a few minutes ago helped me understand slightly and had me questioning my own addictions.  I am grateful that I never got into heavy drugs or alcohol but that doesn’t mean that I am not an addict.  Honestly I think that we are all addicts in some form or another.  Maybe we’re addicted to work, sugar, shopping, sex, the internet, our comfort zone, our story, etc. 

My name is Mary and I’m a self-improvement addict (pause to hear the “Hi, Mary” inside my head).  My bookshelf and storage bins are full of self-improvement books.  I spent 3 years engulfed in an integrative life coaching course.  I’ve done meditation, yoga, guided breathing, exercise, herbal remedies.  I’ve thrown time, money and energy into coming up with a “solution” to what I thought my problem was.  The gift of my addiction is that I now have a shed full of “power tools” on which I can depend on when I need them to assist me with my discovery. 

Now for the a-ha moment.  I was talking to my mom about how the “old behaviors” weren’t working for me anymore and I was sitting in a place of “I don’t know” when it came to figuring out what the new behaviors might be.  You see, the one thing I had used to put in place of the old behaviors was my teacher, mentor and friend Debbie Ford.  Debbie was ripped from my life and the life of thousands earlier this year.  I miss her often and I sometimes feel lost because her physical presence is gone.  It occurred to me that I was attached to her physical presence, addicted you might say and because I was using her to fill that emotional void, I was now lost for she is no longer “here”.  This realization has been both exhilarating and frustrating.  Frustrating if I want to stay addicted to my story of needing to “fill” that emotional void or exhilarating because I understand that there isn’t a void to fill.  She’s given me and all of us tools to do our own work that will finally set us free.

This work is all about emotions and not making yourself wrong  for any of them, no matter what. Emotional education might not be easy or comfortable for most of us because we aren’t used to it, but I FEEL that we owe it ourselves to become self-expressed and set ourselves free from our addictions.  Don’t you?