Walls keep us safe
From life’s twists and turns
On the other hand
Boundaries help us to live
Life on our terms
Spring greetings!
I don’t know about you, but the spring fever bug has definitely hit me. With the warming of the sun, the singing of birds and sprouts representing new life, it almost feels like I’m in a musical. Most days I can’t help but to burst out in song or whistle a happy tune just because.
OK, so now you might be saying “what is she on and where can I get some of that?” Friends, I am here to tell you that while it has taken me 42 years to get here, I finally get just how deserving I am along with how loved, loving and loveable I am. It didn’t happen by winning the lotto, finding my soul mate or even being at my “goal” weight. It happened by me realizing there were mountains to climb, obstacles to maneuver and walls to bust through. When I look in the morning at myself and say “I love you and accept you as you are in this moment”, I actually believe it.
Now that I’ve arrived at that place, it might seem easy to say that anyone can accomplish this feeling. Going through it myself, however, I know the truth. Some days it is easier to believe and then there are the days when you wake up and don’t feel like putting on a happy face or those times where you just think to yourself “why can’t I get a break”? I’ve been there, I’ve bought many of the shirts and who knows, from time to time I might go back and visit that place to learn yet another lesson.
What I’ve learned so far is this. I have had to learn how to take full responsibility for my life and honestly, come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t grown up quite yet. I definitely passed my childhood and tween years, but I was stuck somewhere between 13 and 42. I didn’t really know what it was like to live on my own and be accountable. I had no clue on how to be an adult. It was certainly a wakeup call and not as fun as I thought it was going to be. It was time to come to terms with my decisions and choices and how they’ve shaped my life up until this moment.
This shift toward adulthood has had blessings along the way and a fair share of curses. Those moments of feeling cursed came from a “lower” place in me where I stayed boxed-in and busy blaming whatever and whomever I could for my lot in life. That even included blaming me which is otherwise known as guilt. Guilt for who I was, who I wasn’t, who I hurt, who hurt me…you get the picture. The blessings, on the other hand, came in lessons, a-ha moments and forgiveness.
During this period, I realized that there were definite walls that needed to be broken down and that in order to live life on my terms, it would be imperative to put some healthy boundaries in place. If I wasn’t able to break down the walls, I would repeat the same circumstances, yet expect different results. What a perfect blend of crazy that is, no? I went brick by brick, some crumbing with just a touch of my hand, others needing a sledgehammer to get all the way through. I started seeing new light and life through the holes in the wall and kept going. I wanted to see what was on the other side. The feeling I had once I got there was “what do I do now”? I knew I didn’t want to go back and repeat the past but wasn’t sure how to move forward. I went back to my coaching notes and my journals to see if anything jumped out at me. There it was in black and white “setting healthy boundaries”.
At first, I was afraid that setting boundaries would mean that I would have to distance myself from others. Of course I could choose to see it that way, but now that I was looking at life from a different view, I decided to see boundaries as the safety net that we all need in order to bravely go out into the world, take risks and move courageously toward our dreams.
That safety net of boundaries helps us to stay in integrity when deciding what may or may not be in our best interest. It helps us steer clear of negative energy, events and interactions that zap our life force leaving us tired, overwhelmed and stuck.
As you flow through this week, look around and see where you may need to set a boundary in your life. Are you still saying “yes” when what you really want to say is “no”? If so, there may be a hole in your safety net that is in need of some repair. If you have a safety net securely in place, and are willing to share how you arrived there, please feel free to post a comment on my blog page. Your words just may help others weave their nets.
Sending you all love and light,
Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Integrative Life Coach
http://www.life4ce.net/
“Where the difference is you”
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