"Life is like a box of chocolates..."

One of my favorite games that my sibling’s and I used to play and still sometimes do is “guess the movie quote”. We’ll quote a movie and then say “what’s that from?” My brother (and actually my sister too) are really good at the game as they will stump me from time to time and I’ll have to ask for clues. I was talking to my mom this morning about how fun it is to share movie quotes and words that have been spoken by my family such as “how’s the sauce?”, “you must have a hollow leg” and “on the side of your face” (for those, you had to be there but they still bring smiles to my face and I suspect will continue to do so).

So I was thinking about this while driving into work this morning and a movie quote popped in suddenly; “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get” (it’s really fun to say it out loud with the Forrest Gump accent). I am not sure why it was this quote on this particular morning. I’m going to take it as a “whisper” from my intuition and write about what it brought about for me and maybe you’ll get a take away from it as well.

My mind raced over this one because I could write about so many things such as: How to embrace change, the gift of acceptance, not knowing what’s next or how sweet life really is. Then it hit me, maybe it’s about all of that and then some. So here we go…

Okay, so I will admit that there have been times in my life where I would poke the bottom of a chocolate candy in order to see if it was the type that I wanted. If it was, great, I would eat it. But if not, I would put it back in the box and pretend it never happened. And of course, since the bottom of it had the hole in it, it could be hidden and covered up and not dealt with unless some further investigation occurred (you know someone else picked it up, went to eat it and bam! you’ve been exposed)

So this made me think of life in general and how we sometimes put “back” and hide what we don’t necessarily “like” (be it our thoughts, feelings, relationships, bodies, finances, career…) and choose something else that might help us forget (be it diving into work and/or another drink, drug, cigarette, cookie, lover, shopping spree…).

Don’t get me wrong, I am all about the freedom to make choices. It is just sometimes that when we make a choice that we wish we hadn’t, we try to cover it up instead of learning what was there for us to learn in the first place. This can lead us to making the same choice again and going around that same mountain wondering why we keep having the same experience when we so desperately want to experience something else.

When we can step up and take complete responsibility for all of our choices “good” or “bad” (remember those are just words and it’s what we make them mean) it sets us free. We no longer have to carry around the burden and guilt whether or not someone other than us will find out what we did (or thought or were). Then we are able to move into a place of acceptance and peace within ourselves and can set an intention to do better next time.

So there you have it. When we can come out of hiding and change what no longer works we can move into a place of acceptance, forgiveness, love and create a sweet life even though we might not know what we’re gonna get.

And what do you know, I do like buttercreams….


p.s.  I would love to support you in coming out of hiding.  Please contact me at marycunningham67@yahoo.com for a free sample coaching session.

The Liar's Club

“Stop lying to yourself!” are the words that my friend barked at me while participating in an exercise during a three day long intensive.  The exercise called for us to be in our bathing suits (preferably ones that didn’t fit very well) and stand across from each other and judge each other as harshly as we could.  I found it interesting that the comments such as “pale, fat, out of shape, round, frizzy hair” didn’t really have that much affect on me.  I mean I could look in the mirror and see that it was true.  Well at least I saw it as the truth.  The two comments that stung were “gave up and stop lying to yourself”. These two souls saw past my outward image and into my internal world.  I was lying to myself.  I don’t even know if I knew the truth unless it was a lie.

I share this story with you today because it is time for me to come out of the closet.  It is time to admit that I am a miserable, scared, big fat liar.

When we were young we were taught that telling a lie was wrong and that we should always be truthful.  Besides once you start down that slippery slope, you have to keep track of your lies so that the truth is never found out.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not here to promote dishonesty.  I am just wondering how many times we lied to ourselves because we were afraid of confrontation or of being unloved, mistreated, abandoned, misunderstood or (gasp) made wrong.  Maybe we had expressed ourselves and were shamed for it in some way shape or form.   

I can think of many times I was asked “what’s wrong” and in fear of being unloved or abandoned or made wrong I would just respond with “nothing.”  I stayed in my marriage for the fear that if people knew what I was really thinking and feeling I would be thought of as “bad” and “wrong”.  I kept friendships and intimate relationships when I knew their time had passed for the fear of being alone in this world.  The cost I incurred showed up in my body as extra weight causing a downward spiral to low self-esteem.  I not only fed myself with food but with excuse after excuse of why I wasn’t getting my happy ending, why I wasn’t getting the goodies that everyone around me seem to be receiving.  I even made up a lie that had me thinking I hadn’t experienced enough tragedy in order to REALLY deserve all that life has to offer. 

The coaching model that I am certified in teaches us that we are everything; light and dark, stupid and smart, boring and funny, the list goes on.  One of my favorite quotes from my teacher has always been “what you can’t be with won’t let you be”.  In other words, the more you try to deny a part of yourself, the more it will show up.  It might show up in our behavior, in our health, in our relationships or all of the above.  When we can stand up and say “I am THAT” it diffuses the fear and resentment that we have been holding onto and gives us more freedom and wiggle room to be who we really are.   And most of all, when we can accept that we are THAT we are able to experience its opposite.  How would you know what it felt like to feel love if you never felt fear or hate?  How could we feel smart if we never felt stupid?  I think you get my point.

In this case, shining the light on my miserable, scared, big fat liar will illuminate the way to my overjoyed, brave, sexy goddess.  I can’t wait to see her again!

Wishing you all peace and clarity…

Mary Cunningham
Integrative Coach/Leader

A Lesson in Loneliness

It’s around 11:00 pm on Friday, March 11 and I feel sad and alone. I was bitten by a nasty flu bug last Sunday and my body, mind and spirit are all a little exhausted.

At first I wasn’t going to write this blog because the last thing I want is anyone’s pity. I was also concerned about bringing my reader’s “down”. I didn’t want to come across as the “grim reaper”. Then I thought, “what if, instead of focusing on me and what everyone will think, I decide to write this with the intention of helping another feel better and not so alone?” Now THAT was something I could feel inspired about. It reminded me of what I had learned from my mentor and teacher Debbie Ford during a four day leadership intensive this past January.

Debbie and her amazing staff took us from an “I” mentality into the “we” which was explained to us as the collective. I understood it this way. When we come from the “I”, we make it all about us. “What will they think about me, what if they don’t like me, what if I make a fool of myself?” When we are living in the “I” mentality we live in our heads. We separate ourselves from everyone else. When we come from the collective we look at how we can make a difference in the lives of others, how we can be that beacon for someone that feels lost and alone. We become compassionate and have empathy for others. We start to live from our hearts and become a part of something that is bigger than any of us. Then lo and behold, by helping others we in fact help ourselves.

Making the shift from the “I” to the “we” isn’t easy. I had lived in my head for so long I forgot how to listen to what my heart was telling me. Living in my head looks something like me doing what I can so that you will like me, whether or not that means having to compromise my own integrity in order to do so. I feed off of other’s approval and acceptance. When I come from the heart, I am able to get quiet and listen as well as communicate my feelings and desires without having to worry about what “they” will think about me. I am nourished by faith and trust in our Creator and in myself.

This week was a huge lesson for me in living in the “I”. I was alone and had to fend for myself. I had to learn how to nurture and love myself in the middle of my misery. When I made it all about me and my suffering, I just suffered more. When I remembered that I am never truly alone and that I am a part of the One, as we all are, it brought more peace and healing to my body, mind and spirit. I dropped from my head into my heart and experienced more healing and gratitude than I have in a long time.

As humans we will all have moments of living in our heads and then falling into our hearts. If you are interested in finding out how to live more from your heart and getting out of your head, I encourage you to contact me for a free sample session today!

Sending you all light…


Mary Cunningham
Integrative Coach