We have fallen into Autumn. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. It seems that we just celebrated the holidays and here they are again around the corner.
If you recall, in my last blog I shared my insights about a movie called Eat Pray Love which created a shift in my life by opening up my heart and mind even more. It was this experience that was the beginning of my making peace with what I was resisting, my failures. I had stated that I would continue to dig underneath the mud and rubble to uncover the powerful being I know that resides inside of me. That is what I’ve been doing for the last six weeks and I would like to share it with you in my hopes that perhaps it will inspire you or in the very least help you to know that you are never alone and everyone is going through something at one time or another and when we come out on the other side, we end up stronger somehow.
I know that I have written about shadow work and how important it is to embrace every single aspect of ourselves in order to live fully and express our true selves. I am not sure who first introduced the shadow but I do know it goes as far back to Carl Jung who speaks of the archetypes of our personality, including the shadow archetype which he describes as:
“The Shadow is the personification of that part of human, psychic possibility that we deny in ourselves and project onto others. The goal of personality integration is to integrate the rejected, inferior side of our life into our total experience and to take responsibility for it.”
The part that really struck me in that sentence was the statement “integrate the rejected”. It made me wonder what parts of me I was still rejecting. Who was it that was doing the kicking and screaming and attracting more of what I didn’t want in my life? Well, wouldn’t you know it? I lined up the perfect scenario to go on a “treasure” hunt of sorts and dig and excavate around my soul.
It all started earlier this year when I found out that I would have to reapply for the job that I was currently doing and even better, I wasn’t selected for that position or any other in my organization. Luckily, I was given a transition position which will keep me employed through the end of this year. The puppy that my ex and I had made a part of our family right after we got engaged passed away, my mom was uprooted from her home and had to undergo surgery that none of us saw coming. There’s more, but you get the gist of it. Once again, as it happens to everyone at some point, my life turned on a dime and I had to choose to keep going.
I felt forced to really take a good look at how I was living my life. I asked myself if I was really living the life that I wanted and more importantly was I returning to the person I was put on this planet to be? I guess I wasn’t ready to explore this until just a week ago. I had hit a “breaking point” and was riding an emotional rollercoaster. Thankfully, I called in reinforcements, my troops so to speak and sat down and had some real conversations. What came out of a conversation with my good friend were a few shadow characteristics that I had been avoiding. I went inside of myself and found aspects such as worthless and pitiful but the one that really rattled my cage was my half-ass self.
In coaching, we encourage the client to go inside of themselves as a sort of meditation and connect with that aspect that has been rejected. To practice what I preach, I connected with my half-ass self to see what was going on. Because I had been rejecting that part for so long, it acted out by starting new things and never quite completing them or doing what was needed to make it “good enough”. My half-ass self didn’t feel worthy or deserving of anything else but “just ok”, if even that. The paradox of this is that even though I had rejected this part of me, it was my underlying belief that I was half assed and I had become quite skilled at attracting people and situations in my life to prove me right.
Now that I have shined some light on and reconnected with my half-ass self I could find the gifts that were waiting for me. The first thing that came to my mind was that if I wasn’t half-assed I wouldn’t have tried all the things I’ve done to find what I am truly passionate about. Sure, there are many things that I haven’t finished but so many things that I have. Another gift is the state of new-found peace and completeness with where I am right now, in this moment.
You see, when we are able to embrace our shadows it bring us that much closer to accepting and acknowledging the light that shines in all of us. It’s a delicate balance, like the Yin-Yang where there wouldn’t be one without the other. For how could I truly be powerful if I didn’t see that I can also be pitiful?
Thank you, as always for reading my blog. I hope that your days are as stress and worry free as you choose them to be.
Dancing in the dark and playing in the light,
Mary
www.life4ce.net
Where the answer is YOU!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
When Failure is an Option
I have no idea where I am going with this so I apologize in advance if I am rambling. I have so much to get out of me and I don’t know where to start. Starting at the beginning would take too long, so I guess I will start with where I am at in this moment.
Have you ever watched a movie, read a book, or heard a song that you would know would change the way you looked at things? Maybe even changed the way you lived your life and had you question who you were? My friends, this happened to me yesterday. I’m not the same and I believe that change is constant and things never stay the same. None of us are the same people that we were twenty four hours ago. We have all had at least a thousand thoughts since them, some new, some the same. Your cells have regenerated and your body has aged. Though this is a digression, I thought it was important to share.
I have not been up this early on a Sunday since my daughter was a baby and I didn’t have a choice but to get up. This morning, I got up to meditate and visualized a large dump truck taking the trash out of my mind and emptying it into a void that went into the center of the earth for our great mother to take care of and incinerate if necessary. I even stood up to pace a few times and realized that I was trying to escape from myself.
This is the first time in my life where I have been alone. By alone, I mean without my parents to pick up the pieces or a partner that I could become obsessed with so that I could take the focus off myself. I am at the end of a divorce process that has now lasted more than a year. Everything is filed and I am just waiting for that final document which will confirm that I failed in my marriage.
Yes, I failed in my marriage. I could not be the person that he wanted me to be. I couldn’t even be the person that I wanted to be. I was so wrapped up in what the status quo was supposed to be that I lost part of me. The part of me that wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, the part that was vivacious, tenacious and sometimes a little crazy became covered up with layers of drywall and mud filled with graffiti like guilt, shame, selfish, bitch and those were the nicer ones. I find it ironic that it was that girl that my husband fell in love with, yet it was that same girl crying for help and change that caused our marriage to dissolve. Though it does take two to tango, I do not blame him for what happened. I blame myself for not speaking up sooner.
The good news about failure is that, if you are willing to look at the situation, you can learn from what happened and choose another option the next time around. Instead of looking at failure as a curse, I’m going to choose to look at is as a blessing. For if I never failed, I might not ever know what it felt like to be successful.
Where does this leave me in this moment? Since I cannot escape myself, actually since I choose to not escape myself, I will continue to dig through the mud and rubble that is covering up that woman in me that is outspoken, strong, vivacious, tenacious, a little crazy, pleasure filled and passionate. Knowing that with each failure and lesson learned exposes her just a little bit more, makes it all worth it to me.
I leave you all with this quote from Anne Sullivan --- ““Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.”
Sending you all light and love,
Mary
Have you ever watched a movie, read a book, or heard a song that you would know would change the way you looked at things? Maybe even changed the way you lived your life and had you question who you were? My friends, this happened to me yesterday. I’m not the same and I believe that change is constant and things never stay the same. None of us are the same people that we were twenty four hours ago. We have all had at least a thousand thoughts since them, some new, some the same. Your cells have regenerated and your body has aged. Though this is a digression, I thought it was important to share.
I have not been up this early on a Sunday since my daughter was a baby and I didn’t have a choice but to get up. This morning, I got up to meditate and visualized a large dump truck taking the trash out of my mind and emptying it into a void that went into the center of the earth for our great mother to take care of and incinerate if necessary. I even stood up to pace a few times and realized that I was trying to escape from myself.
This is the first time in my life where I have been alone. By alone, I mean without my parents to pick up the pieces or a partner that I could become obsessed with so that I could take the focus off myself. I am at the end of a divorce process that has now lasted more than a year. Everything is filed and I am just waiting for that final document which will confirm that I failed in my marriage.
Yes, I failed in my marriage. I could not be the person that he wanted me to be. I couldn’t even be the person that I wanted to be. I was so wrapped up in what the status quo was supposed to be that I lost part of me. The part of me that wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, the part that was vivacious, tenacious and sometimes a little crazy became covered up with layers of drywall and mud filled with graffiti like guilt, shame, selfish, bitch and those were the nicer ones. I find it ironic that it was that girl that my husband fell in love with, yet it was that same girl crying for help and change that caused our marriage to dissolve. Though it does take two to tango, I do not blame him for what happened. I blame myself for not speaking up sooner.
The good news about failure is that, if you are willing to look at the situation, you can learn from what happened and choose another option the next time around. Instead of looking at failure as a curse, I’m going to choose to look at is as a blessing. For if I never failed, I might not ever know what it felt like to be successful.
Where does this leave me in this moment? Since I cannot escape myself, actually since I choose to not escape myself, I will continue to dig through the mud and rubble that is covering up that woman in me that is outspoken, strong, vivacious, tenacious, a little crazy, pleasure filled and passionate. Knowing that with each failure and lesson learned exposes her just a little bit more, makes it all worth it to me.
I leave you all with this quote from Anne Sullivan --- ““Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.”
Sending you all light and love,
Mary
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Two Wolves - Part 2
I've used the story below before on a blog but am sharing it again with a different point of view.
The Two Wolves
A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.
This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”
The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”
The Cherokee elder replied…
“The one you feed.”
Today, this story took on a new meaning for me. I stepped back, stood at a different angle and read it again.
When I first read the story over a year ago, I thought “Ah, yes. For when we focus on the good in our life we will be sure to create more of that for ourselves”. And now it has taken on a different spin for me.
As most of you may or may not remember from my blog last week, I’ve been sitting in a place of “I don’t know”. Sitting in “I don’t know” has brought forth many opportunities that I know I would have never seen before if I claimed to know it all. It has also brought forth emotions that I am still not always comfortable with. Like the first wolf, I have experienced so much fear, anger, envy, sorry, regret and even hatefulness this last week. Of course, without knowing these feelings we would not know what it felt like on the other side where joy, peace, love, harmony, faith and so forth live. Just because this seems to be the case, it doesn’t always necessarily mean that we should embrace all of our emotions and feel them whenever we need to…or does it?
I wonder if we actually fed the first wolf with acceptance, forgiveness and compassion if that would make it less fearful. Imagine that part of you that sits in fear and regret and all of the other feelings that have been made out to be wrong or bad. What does that part need? Does it need to be ignored and pushed down even further or does it need to be nurtured and loved? Do you need to keep it surrounded by walls or set it free? If you did set it free, what would that look like and feel like? What if it was free to roam about in your psyche knowing that it was ok to be itself and not have to live in fear that you will shut it out?
Some of us have been repressing our feelings for so long that we aren’t sure what we are feeling. I know that has happened to me on many occasions. There have even been times where I have thought to myself “I don’t have time to feel right now”. This week I decided to keep a feelings log to be able to connect with the parts of myself that still might need a little acknowledgment and attention. Not only is it helping me to uncover parts of myself that I thought might not really be there but it is also helping me to realize just how much I do feel happy, joy filled, loving and loveable, no matter what is going on in my life.
And in the words of Neale Donald Walsh “if you want to know the truth about something, ask yourself how you feel about it…”
Sending you love and light...can you feel it?
Mary Laughlin Cunningham
LifeCoach/Writer/Speaker
http://life4ce.blogspot.com/
www.life4ce.net
The Two Wolves
A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.
This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”
The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”
The Cherokee elder replied…
“The one you feed.”
Today, this story took on a new meaning for me. I stepped back, stood at a different angle and read it again.
When I first read the story over a year ago, I thought “Ah, yes. For when we focus on the good in our life we will be sure to create more of that for ourselves”. And now it has taken on a different spin for me.
As most of you may or may not remember from my blog last week, I’ve been sitting in a place of “I don’t know”. Sitting in “I don’t know” has brought forth many opportunities that I know I would have never seen before if I claimed to know it all. It has also brought forth emotions that I am still not always comfortable with. Like the first wolf, I have experienced so much fear, anger, envy, sorry, regret and even hatefulness this last week. Of course, without knowing these feelings we would not know what it felt like on the other side where joy, peace, love, harmony, faith and so forth live. Just because this seems to be the case, it doesn’t always necessarily mean that we should embrace all of our emotions and feel them whenever we need to…or does it?
I wonder if we actually fed the first wolf with acceptance, forgiveness and compassion if that would make it less fearful. Imagine that part of you that sits in fear and regret and all of the other feelings that have been made out to be wrong or bad. What does that part need? Does it need to be ignored and pushed down even further or does it need to be nurtured and loved? Do you need to keep it surrounded by walls or set it free? If you did set it free, what would that look like and feel like? What if it was free to roam about in your psyche knowing that it was ok to be itself and not have to live in fear that you will shut it out?
Some of us have been repressing our feelings for so long that we aren’t sure what we are feeling. I know that has happened to me on many occasions. There have even been times where I have thought to myself “I don’t have time to feel right now”. This week I decided to keep a feelings log to be able to connect with the parts of myself that still might need a little acknowledgment and attention. Not only is it helping me to uncover parts of myself that I thought might not really be there but it is also helping me to realize just how much I do feel happy, joy filled, loving and loveable, no matter what is going on in my life.
And in the words of Neale Donald Walsh “if you want to know the truth about something, ask yourself how you feel about it…”
Sending you love and light...can you feel it?
Mary Laughlin Cunningham
LifeCoach/Writer/Speaker
http://life4ce.blogspot.com/
www.life4ce.net
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The Two Wolves
The Two Wolves
A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.
This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”
The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”
The Cherokee elder replied…
“The one you feed.”
So I sit and ponder today about the angry wolf. I wonder if he is truly angry because you are feeding it or because you have been neglecting and starving it thus making it even more angry and hard to get along with...
A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.
This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”
The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”
The Cherokee elder replied…
“The one you feed.”
So I sit and ponder today about the angry wolf. I wonder if he is truly angry because you are feeding it or because you have been neglecting and starving it thus making it even more angry and hard to get along with...
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Who Am I?
Today she stood in front of the mirror
“Who am I? Why am I here?”
Though the answers aren’t clear
And she’s not sure what direction to go
She is at peace
When the answer that follows is
“I just don’t know”
Hi there,
I’ve had so many thoughts coming to me the last few days it’s almost difficult to write about just one thing. Because of this, I’ve decided to just let the words out and share what’s going inside of me. It is with this hope that you find what is going on inside of you and even if you aren’t sure what life is going to bring you next, it’s all ok, no matter what.
The last year or so has brought me so many lessons I can no longer count them on my fingers and toes. I have had moments of looking at them as curses, screaming on the inside “what can possibly happen next?” I’ve had times of absolute bliss along with being so low I wasn’t sure if I could pull myself back up and keep going. So what have I learned?
I’ve learned that no matter what, life keeps going. To look at all experiences as blessings. That nothing is more important than friends and family. Jobs come and go. That no matter how hard it rains the sun will come out again. Forgiveness is probably the most important ability that anyone can acquire starting with the forgiveness of the self and then of others. So where does this put me today?
Today, in this moment, I sit in a place of being scared to death and incredibly exhilarated all at the same time. Pieces of my life have turned into ashes and are being washed away with this amazing late spring storm we have been having. As I move through the grieving process of what I’m letting go of, I am celebrating all the new that is coming into my life. The possibility of a new love, a new career, and a renewed friendship is what makes me smile through the tears that I have been shedding. Not to mention the amazing support I have from my friends and family who love me anyway and just because.
So will I be that amazing life coach that inspires humanity to lean back into Oneness? Will I be a New York Times Best Seller? Will I be a mom who teaches her child to take risks and live life full out? I don’t know. But what I do know is that no matter what I become, it will be perfect in its imperfection and that as long as I never forget to keep breathing, keep moving and keep feeling my feelings, it is all going to be exactly as it was meant to be.
What if sitting in the answer of “I don’t know” is what we need to learn to practice in order to allow the windows of unlimited possibilities to fly open and invite us out to experience all that life has to offer? Are you game? If your answer to that is “I don’t know”, you are in the perfect place…
Sending you all much gratefulness and love,
Mary
“Who am I? Why am I here?”
Though the answers aren’t clear
And she’s not sure what direction to go
She is at peace
When the answer that follows is
“I just don’t know”
Hi there,
I’ve had so many thoughts coming to me the last few days it’s almost difficult to write about just one thing. Because of this, I’ve decided to just let the words out and share what’s going inside of me. It is with this hope that you find what is going on inside of you and even if you aren’t sure what life is going to bring you next, it’s all ok, no matter what.
The last year or so has brought me so many lessons I can no longer count them on my fingers and toes. I have had moments of looking at them as curses, screaming on the inside “what can possibly happen next?” I’ve had times of absolute bliss along with being so low I wasn’t sure if I could pull myself back up and keep going. So what have I learned?
I’ve learned that no matter what, life keeps going. To look at all experiences as blessings. That nothing is more important than friends and family. Jobs come and go. That no matter how hard it rains the sun will come out again. Forgiveness is probably the most important ability that anyone can acquire starting with the forgiveness of the self and then of others. So where does this put me today?
Today, in this moment, I sit in a place of being scared to death and incredibly exhilarated all at the same time. Pieces of my life have turned into ashes and are being washed away with this amazing late spring storm we have been having. As I move through the grieving process of what I’m letting go of, I am celebrating all the new that is coming into my life. The possibility of a new love, a new career, and a renewed friendship is what makes me smile through the tears that I have been shedding. Not to mention the amazing support I have from my friends and family who love me anyway and just because.
So will I be that amazing life coach that inspires humanity to lean back into Oneness? Will I be a New York Times Best Seller? Will I be a mom who teaches her child to take risks and live life full out? I don’t know. But what I do know is that no matter what I become, it will be perfect in its imperfection and that as long as I never forget to keep breathing, keep moving and keep feeling my feelings, it is all going to be exactly as it was meant to be.
What if sitting in the answer of “I don’t know” is what we need to learn to practice in order to allow the windows of unlimited possibilities to fly open and invite us out to experience all that life has to offer? Are you game? If your answer to that is “I don’t know”, you are in the perfect place…
Sending you all much gratefulness and love,
Mary
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Observing and Serving - It's a Choice
All dressed in white
Deep navy accents
And just a little red
No tails worn, just a black tie
The time is now
And down the aisle she’s led
Howdy everyone!
Good to “see” you all again. I’ve been off blazing trails and finding my own way. One of the most important things I’ve learned in the last few weeks is the gift of being an observer of my own life.
I recently officiated my first wedding and it was one of the most profound and beautiful experiences of my life so far. You may wonder how this all started. Well, a few months back a friend of mine had asked me how I would feel about ordaining myself as a minister so that I could officiate her daughter’s wedding. It didn’t take me but a moment to say yes. I was honored and humbled to be chosen for such an event. After a few clicks of the mouse, I became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church and consider myself to be a practitioner of Oneness (more to come on this later).
After meeting the rest of wedding party at the rehearsal dinner, I knew the wedding was going to be amazing. Not only did the bride and groom show each other show much unconditional love, but the rest of the wedding party were some of the nicest young people that I had ever met.
The day of the wedding I picked up cupcakes, helped set up the room and checked in on the wedding party to make sure that my friend, the mother of the bride could relax and enjoy the day as much as she could. It was a day of service and observance for me. Granted, it felt different for me to be up in front of everyone and not be the center of attention but I have to say that it was a nice change of pace. I wasn’t there for me. I was there to join two hearts together in love, friendship and family. I couldn’t have thought of another better way to serve than this. During the reception, I sat back, enjoyed delicious food and observed all of the different generations sharing in this special occasion.
Another instance of observance came to me about a week ago while working. Many people where I work are in limbo due to the foreshadowing of restructuring departments and lay-offs. The group I work in is being affected and I am so very grateful for the friends I have at work so we can keep each other going strong and remind each other to breathe and laugh every day. When the moments get a bit heavy and scary we vent to each other. Recently, a friend of mine shared his mantra with me. He said “when I feel this way, I tell myself to take a step back”. I thanked him for that and started taking on the practice of taking a step back whenever life feels like it’s just getting to be a bit too much.
When we take a step back, instead of instantly reacting, we put ourselves in a position of making a choice. We can choose to let whatever is happening to us to decide our fate or we can choose to know that no matter what happens to us, it will always be ok and that whatever we are going through, it is for a reason which will bring us to a higher place of acceptance within ourselves. The more that we are able to expand and enhance the level of acceptance we have for ourselves, the more we will be able to live in that realm with others and before you know it people will want to know what your secret is.
So the next time that your wheels spinning, try taking a step back and observe what is really going on. Not what is going on for everyone else but what is going on for you. Look to how you feel about it and find YOUR truth in the situation. Once you can do that, you will find yourself choosing what is best for you.
It’s all about choices!
Love to you and all that you are.
Deep navy accents
And just a little red
No tails worn, just a black tie
The time is now
And down the aisle she’s led
Howdy everyone!
Good to “see” you all again. I’ve been off blazing trails and finding my own way. One of the most important things I’ve learned in the last few weeks is the gift of being an observer of my own life.
I recently officiated my first wedding and it was one of the most profound and beautiful experiences of my life so far. You may wonder how this all started. Well, a few months back a friend of mine had asked me how I would feel about ordaining myself as a minister so that I could officiate her daughter’s wedding. It didn’t take me but a moment to say yes. I was honored and humbled to be chosen for such an event. After a few clicks of the mouse, I became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church and consider myself to be a practitioner of Oneness (more to come on this later).
After meeting the rest of wedding party at the rehearsal dinner, I knew the wedding was going to be amazing. Not only did the bride and groom show each other show much unconditional love, but the rest of the wedding party were some of the nicest young people that I had ever met.
The day of the wedding I picked up cupcakes, helped set up the room and checked in on the wedding party to make sure that my friend, the mother of the bride could relax and enjoy the day as much as she could. It was a day of service and observance for me. Granted, it felt different for me to be up in front of everyone and not be the center of attention but I have to say that it was a nice change of pace. I wasn’t there for me. I was there to join two hearts together in love, friendship and family. I couldn’t have thought of another better way to serve than this. During the reception, I sat back, enjoyed delicious food and observed all of the different generations sharing in this special occasion.
Another instance of observance came to me about a week ago while working. Many people where I work are in limbo due to the foreshadowing of restructuring departments and lay-offs. The group I work in is being affected and I am so very grateful for the friends I have at work so we can keep each other going strong and remind each other to breathe and laugh every day. When the moments get a bit heavy and scary we vent to each other. Recently, a friend of mine shared his mantra with me. He said “when I feel this way, I tell myself to take a step back”. I thanked him for that and started taking on the practice of taking a step back whenever life feels like it’s just getting to be a bit too much.
When we take a step back, instead of instantly reacting, we put ourselves in a position of making a choice. We can choose to let whatever is happening to us to decide our fate or we can choose to know that no matter what happens to us, it will always be ok and that whatever we are going through, it is for a reason which will bring us to a higher place of acceptance within ourselves. The more that we are able to expand and enhance the level of acceptance we have for ourselves, the more we will be able to live in that realm with others and before you know it people will want to know what your secret is.
So the next time that your wheels spinning, try taking a step back and observe what is really going on. Not what is going on for everyone else but what is going on for you. Look to how you feel about it and find YOUR truth in the situation. Once you can do that, you will find yourself choosing what is best for you.
It’s all about choices!
Love to you and all that you are.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Walls or Boundaries?
Walls keep us safe
From life’s twists and turns
On the other hand
Boundaries help us to live
Life on our terms
Spring greetings!
I don’t know about you, but the spring fever bug has definitely hit me. With the warming of the sun, the singing of birds and sprouts representing new life, it almost feels like I’m in a musical. Most days I can’t help but to burst out in song or whistle a happy tune just because.
OK, so now you might be saying “what is she on and where can I get some of that?” Friends, I am here to tell you that while it has taken me 42 years to get here, I finally get just how deserving I am along with how loved, loving and loveable I am. It didn’t happen by winning the lotto, finding my soul mate or even being at my “goal” weight. It happened by me realizing there were mountains to climb, obstacles to maneuver and walls to bust through. When I look in the morning at myself and say “I love you and accept you as you are in this moment”, I actually believe it.
Now that I’ve arrived at that place, it might seem easy to say that anyone can accomplish this feeling. Going through it myself, however, I know the truth. Some days it is easier to believe and then there are the days when you wake up and don’t feel like putting on a happy face or those times where you just think to yourself “why can’t I get a break”? I’ve been there, I’ve bought many of the shirts and who knows, from time to time I might go back and visit that place to learn yet another lesson.
What I’ve learned so far is this. I have had to learn how to take full responsibility for my life and honestly, come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t grown up quite yet. I definitely passed my childhood and tween years, but I was stuck somewhere between 13 and 42. I didn’t really know what it was like to live on my own and be accountable. I had no clue on how to be an adult. It was certainly a wakeup call and not as fun as I thought it was going to be. It was time to come to terms with my decisions and choices and how they’ve shaped my life up until this moment.
This shift toward adulthood has had blessings along the way and a fair share of curses. Those moments of feeling cursed came from a “lower” place in me where I stayed boxed-in and busy blaming whatever and whomever I could for my lot in life. That even included blaming me which is otherwise known as guilt. Guilt for who I was, who I wasn’t, who I hurt, who hurt me…you get the picture. The blessings, on the other hand, came in lessons, a-ha moments and forgiveness.
During this period, I realized that there were definite walls that needed to be broken down and that in order to live life on my terms, it would be imperative to put some healthy boundaries in place. If I wasn’t able to break down the walls, I would repeat the same circumstances, yet expect different results. What a perfect blend of crazy that is, no? I went brick by brick, some crumbing with just a touch of my hand, others needing a sledgehammer to get all the way through. I started seeing new light and life through the holes in the wall and kept going. I wanted to see what was on the other side. The feeling I had once I got there was “what do I do now”? I knew I didn’t want to go back and repeat the past but wasn’t sure how to move forward. I went back to my coaching notes and my journals to see if anything jumped out at me. There it was in black and white “setting healthy boundaries”.
At first, I was afraid that setting boundaries would mean that I would have to distance myself from others. Of course I could choose to see it that way, but now that I was looking at life from a different view, I decided to see boundaries as the safety net that we all need in order to bravely go out into the world, take risks and move courageously toward our dreams.
That safety net of boundaries helps us to stay in integrity when deciding what may or may not be in our best interest. It helps us steer clear of negative energy, events and interactions that zap our life force leaving us tired, overwhelmed and stuck.
As you flow through this week, look around and see where you may need to set a boundary in your life. Are you still saying “yes” when what you really want to say is “no”? If so, there may be a hole in your safety net that is in need of some repair. If you have a safety net securely in place, and are willing to share how you arrived there, please feel free to post a comment on my blog page. Your words just may help others weave their nets.
Sending you all love and light,
Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Integrative Life Coach
http://www.life4ce.net/
“Where the difference is you”
From life’s twists and turns
On the other hand
Boundaries help us to live
Life on our terms
Spring greetings!
I don’t know about you, but the spring fever bug has definitely hit me. With the warming of the sun, the singing of birds and sprouts representing new life, it almost feels like I’m in a musical. Most days I can’t help but to burst out in song or whistle a happy tune just because.
OK, so now you might be saying “what is she on and where can I get some of that?” Friends, I am here to tell you that while it has taken me 42 years to get here, I finally get just how deserving I am along with how loved, loving and loveable I am. It didn’t happen by winning the lotto, finding my soul mate or even being at my “goal” weight. It happened by me realizing there were mountains to climb, obstacles to maneuver and walls to bust through. When I look in the morning at myself and say “I love you and accept you as you are in this moment”, I actually believe it.
Now that I’ve arrived at that place, it might seem easy to say that anyone can accomplish this feeling. Going through it myself, however, I know the truth. Some days it is easier to believe and then there are the days when you wake up and don’t feel like putting on a happy face or those times where you just think to yourself “why can’t I get a break”? I’ve been there, I’ve bought many of the shirts and who knows, from time to time I might go back and visit that place to learn yet another lesson.
What I’ve learned so far is this. I have had to learn how to take full responsibility for my life and honestly, come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t grown up quite yet. I definitely passed my childhood and tween years, but I was stuck somewhere between 13 and 42. I didn’t really know what it was like to live on my own and be accountable. I had no clue on how to be an adult. It was certainly a wakeup call and not as fun as I thought it was going to be. It was time to come to terms with my decisions and choices and how they’ve shaped my life up until this moment.
This shift toward adulthood has had blessings along the way and a fair share of curses. Those moments of feeling cursed came from a “lower” place in me where I stayed boxed-in and busy blaming whatever and whomever I could for my lot in life. That even included blaming me which is otherwise known as guilt. Guilt for who I was, who I wasn’t, who I hurt, who hurt me…you get the picture. The blessings, on the other hand, came in lessons, a-ha moments and forgiveness.
During this period, I realized that there were definite walls that needed to be broken down and that in order to live life on my terms, it would be imperative to put some healthy boundaries in place. If I wasn’t able to break down the walls, I would repeat the same circumstances, yet expect different results. What a perfect blend of crazy that is, no? I went brick by brick, some crumbing with just a touch of my hand, others needing a sledgehammer to get all the way through. I started seeing new light and life through the holes in the wall and kept going. I wanted to see what was on the other side. The feeling I had once I got there was “what do I do now”? I knew I didn’t want to go back and repeat the past but wasn’t sure how to move forward. I went back to my coaching notes and my journals to see if anything jumped out at me. There it was in black and white “setting healthy boundaries”.
At first, I was afraid that setting boundaries would mean that I would have to distance myself from others. Of course I could choose to see it that way, but now that I was looking at life from a different view, I decided to see boundaries as the safety net that we all need in order to bravely go out into the world, take risks and move courageously toward our dreams.
That safety net of boundaries helps us to stay in integrity when deciding what may or may not be in our best interest. It helps us steer clear of negative energy, events and interactions that zap our life force leaving us tired, overwhelmed and stuck.
As you flow through this week, look around and see where you may need to set a boundary in your life. Are you still saying “yes” when what you really want to say is “no”? If so, there may be a hole in your safety net that is in need of some repair. If you have a safety net securely in place, and are willing to share how you arrived there, please feel free to post a comment on my blog page. Your words just may help others weave their nets.
Sending you all love and light,
Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Integrative Life Coach
http://www.life4ce.net/
“Where the difference is you”
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Need VS. Deserve
We’ve all made them
We’ve all failed them
Focused on the need
Instead of the deed
Shift the perspective
Uncover a true gem
Welcome to a new decade! I hope you all had a wonderfully safe New Year and have welcomed in 2010 with open arms and hearts.
OK, so I feel compelled to bring up the topic of resolutions. We have all made them and broken them within weeks, days, even minutes. It made me wonder, do we make these resolutions knowing that we are going to break them? Why make them in the first place? We all start out hopeful, ready to take on a new year and create a new us. We resolve to lose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, play more, make more money, work harder, the list goes on and on. When asking others about their resolutions, the response I often hear sounds something like “I NEED to (fill in the blank here)”. I’ve even used that phrase myself.
This causes us to sit in the space of need in order to do something to make us feel better about ourselves. Of course, it is a great idea to get in better health and become the next best you there is, but do we make these resolutions with the knowledge that everything we NEED is already inside of us? Or are we once again looking for that magic bullet that is going to make the difference for us “this time”? What if I told you I had the magic bullet we are all looking for? Is it a powder, a pill, a miracle elixir? Nope. Is it going to cost you an arm and a leg to get it? Nope. Are you ready for it? Are you sure? Do you have what it takes? The secret ingredient to getting the results that you want and living your dream is:
YOUR THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS!
Well, alright, so that’s two things but since your thoughts and beliefs go hand in hand, let’s call them the one secret ingredient. I can write a book about how our thoughts and beliefs affect our lives but that’s for another project. In order to get where you want to go you must BELIEVE that you DESERVE it.
I got a strong message around this a few weeks ago while attending an open house at a new and wonderful wellness center I stumbled upon. I kept repeating “I really need to get going”. Three hours later, one of my fellow lightworkers said “weren’t you supposed to leave 3 hours ago?” I replied to him “well I guess I needed this”. He took my hand in his, looked me in the eyes and said “no, you deserved it”. I will never forget that moment. I got a chill up my spine as my eyes filled with tears and said “you are right, I did deserve this”. Since that day, whenever I hear myself saying “I need” I turn it around and say “I deserve”. It has been an amazing transformation for me.
My challenge for you this week is to look at the resolutions or goals you made for yourself this year so far. If any of them started with “I need”, replace the word need with deserve and see how that feels. For example, instead of “I need to get this extra weight off”, shift that to “I DESERVE to live a healthy life”. Did you feel the shift in the vibration of that?
I would like to end this blog with an excerpt from the book Finding Your Strength in Difficult Times by Dr. David Viscott.
“You deserve to give your best as well receive the best. The world deserves to hear from you. As a matter of fact, the world needs to hear from you. Maybe the reason you don’t feel deserving is that you aren’t giving enough of what you were put here to give.”
Meditation: I deserve all the good I can imagine, all the joy I can carry, the company of friends, the love of myself. All the good. I deserve it.
Sending you all the love, light and peace that you deserve,
Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Life Coach/Author/Speaker/Writer
www.life4ce.net
"Where the difference is YOU"
We’ve all failed them
Focused on the need
Instead of the deed
Shift the perspective
Uncover a true gem
Welcome to a new decade! I hope you all had a wonderfully safe New Year and have welcomed in 2010 with open arms and hearts.
OK, so I feel compelled to bring up the topic of resolutions. We have all made them and broken them within weeks, days, even minutes. It made me wonder, do we make these resolutions knowing that we are going to break them? Why make them in the first place? We all start out hopeful, ready to take on a new year and create a new us. We resolve to lose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, play more, make more money, work harder, the list goes on and on. When asking others about their resolutions, the response I often hear sounds something like “I NEED to (fill in the blank here)”. I’ve even used that phrase myself.
This causes us to sit in the space of need in order to do something to make us feel better about ourselves. Of course, it is a great idea to get in better health and become the next best you there is, but do we make these resolutions with the knowledge that everything we NEED is already inside of us? Or are we once again looking for that magic bullet that is going to make the difference for us “this time”? What if I told you I had the magic bullet we are all looking for? Is it a powder, a pill, a miracle elixir? Nope. Is it going to cost you an arm and a leg to get it? Nope. Are you ready for it? Are you sure? Do you have what it takes? The secret ingredient to getting the results that you want and living your dream is:
YOUR THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS!
Well, alright, so that’s two things but since your thoughts and beliefs go hand in hand, let’s call them the one secret ingredient. I can write a book about how our thoughts and beliefs affect our lives but that’s for another project. In order to get where you want to go you must BELIEVE that you DESERVE it.
I got a strong message around this a few weeks ago while attending an open house at a new and wonderful wellness center I stumbled upon. I kept repeating “I really need to get going”. Three hours later, one of my fellow lightworkers said “weren’t you supposed to leave 3 hours ago?” I replied to him “well I guess I needed this”. He took my hand in his, looked me in the eyes and said “no, you deserved it”. I will never forget that moment. I got a chill up my spine as my eyes filled with tears and said “you are right, I did deserve this”. Since that day, whenever I hear myself saying “I need” I turn it around and say “I deserve”. It has been an amazing transformation for me.
My challenge for you this week is to look at the resolutions or goals you made for yourself this year so far. If any of them started with “I need”, replace the word need with deserve and see how that feels. For example, instead of “I need to get this extra weight off”, shift that to “I DESERVE to live a healthy life”. Did you feel the shift in the vibration of that?
I would like to end this blog with an excerpt from the book Finding Your Strength in Difficult Times by Dr. David Viscott.
“You deserve to give your best as well receive the best. The world deserves to hear from you. As a matter of fact, the world needs to hear from you. Maybe the reason you don’t feel deserving is that you aren’t giving enough of what you were put here to give.”
Meditation: I deserve all the good I can imagine, all the joy I can carry, the company of friends, the love of myself. All the good. I deserve it.
Sending you all the love, light and peace that you deserve,
Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Life Coach/Author/Speaker/Writer
www.life4ce.net
"Where the difference is YOU"
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