What are you committed to?

“I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.”

This quote came from the movie “High Fidelity” which I recommend even though I might not watch it again. In truth, I almost couldn’t get through the movie which was almost as shocking as standing knee deep in a puddle waiting for the thunder and lightning.  After all, I am in fact a self-admitted rom-com junky.

The main character, spiraling down the rabbit hole of relationships past had me cringing.  A bit of a martyr, he went on and on about why the relationships didn’t work out, blaming the other person or circumstance.

Only toward the end of the movie does he decide to take responsibility for his part in his most current failed relationship.  When I had heard the voiceover say “it made more sense to commit to nothing”, it struck a huge chord with me.

It became apparent to me that up until the last three months or so, living with one foot out the door was my idea of playing it safe. It was my modus operandi, not a single soul or any circumstance could hurt me if I was always the first to leave or first to bail out.  The leaving and bailing out was more emotional and mental then it was physical.  It had been my excuse to quit or give up because “it’s too hard”.  

I became a non-committal master, setting up expectation after expectation, spouting off judgment after judgment (if only in my head).  I had little to no boundaries.  Exhausting myself, trying to manipulate the system so that I could evade responsibility for my life, exactly as it was, once again.  How could I expect anyone (a client, friend, spouse, etc) to be “all in” with me if I wasn’t “all in” with myself?

Today, I am in the practice of “all in” with me and with my life.  And on those days where I want to cut and run I will choose to drag my other foot in and close the door behind me, moving forward in the direction of an inspiring and desirable future.  And when I’m in the space of keeping options open, I will make damn sure that those options are aligned with my passion and purpose.  Anything else would be a slow, painful, soul shattering internal death.  

So, now I ask you “what are you committed to?”  Are you all in?

The Addict Within Us

Addiction is a solution to an emotional need. If you deprive someone of one solution to their emotional problems, it’s not surprising that they’ll find another one instead --- Dr. Lance Does, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the author of Breaking Addiction.

We lost another talented, young and vibrant star this week to addiction.  His name is Cory. Saddened by the news, I wondered what his story was.  Why, when it seemed like he had everything, he chose to numb himself with drugs.  Reading the quote above just a few minutes ago helped me understand slightly and had me questioning my own addictions.  I am grateful that I never got into heavy drugs or alcohol but that doesn’t mean that I am not an addict.  Honestly I think that we are all addicts in some form or another.  Maybe we’re addicted to work, sugar, shopping, sex, the internet, our comfort zone, our story, etc. 

My name is Mary and I’m a self-improvement addict (pause to hear the “Hi, Mary” inside my head).  My bookshelf and storage bins are full of self-improvement books.  I spent 3 years engulfed in an integrative life coaching course.  I’ve done meditation, yoga, guided breathing, exercise, herbal remedies.  I’ve thrown time, money and energy into coming up with a “solution” to what I thought my problem was.  The gift of my addiction is that I now have a shed full of “power tools” on which I can depend on when I need them to assist me with my discovery. 

Now for the a-ha moment.  I was talking to my mom about how the “old behaviors” weren’t working for me anymore and I was sitting in a place of “I don’t know” when it came to figuring out what the new behaviors might be.  You see, the one thing I had used to put in place of the old behaviors was my teacher, mentor and friend Debbie Ford.  Debbie was ripped from my life and the life of thousands earlier this year.  I miss her often and I sometimes feel lost because her physical presence is gone.  It occurred to me that I was attached to her physical presence, addicted you might say and because I was using her to fill that emotional void, I was now lost for she is no longer “here”.  This realization has been both exhilarating and frustrating.  Frustrating if I want to stay addicted to my story of needing to “fill” that emotional void or exhilarating because I understand that there isn’t a void to fill.  She’s given me and all of us tools to do our own work that will finally set us free.

This work is all about emotions and not making yourself wrong  for any of them, no matter what. Emotional education might not be easy or comfortable for most of us because we aren’t used to it, but I FEEL that we owe it ourselves to become self-expressed and set ourselves free from our addictions.  Don’t you?

Just breathe into it…

I lost my mentor to cancer this week.  She wasn’t only my mentor.  She was a friend, a teacher, a soul sister and favorite aunt all in one.  Her name is Debbie Ford.

I met Debbie seven years ago at my first Shadow Process and since then my life has changed in poignant, powerful and positive ways.  It has too been changed in ways that I have yet to realize.   

This week has been one of the hardest weeks I have had in years.  It reminded me of the week after my father had died.  How unbelievably numb I was and how I went from laughter to tears to anger in the blink of an eye. I had no idea that Debbie’s transition would have such a deep impact, although I should not really be all that surprised.  She saved my life. 

It was a few years ago.  I was attending a training intensive of The Ford Institute’s and I will never forget the words out of her mouth the first night we were there.  She stood in front of all of us and said “some of you are going to find out that you don’t even want to be here”.  Maybe she meant we didn’t want to be in the room but I heard it and felt it as maybe we didn’t want to be on this earth.  I was shaken to the core, much like I have been this week but there is one big difference between that night and tonight.  I want to be here, I need to be here, there is still work left for me to do.

Debbie taught me many things.  She taught me to look inside of myself with new eyes.  Compassionate eyes that could see forgiveness, understanding, acceptance and most of all love.  But the one lesson that I am hanging on to this week is whenever I am feeling lost, alone, and most of all scared to death is to just “breathe into it”. 

You see, whenever we were having emotions through this process (and there were many because this work is all about emotional freedom) Debbie and her staff would remind us “If you are having emotions, just breathe into it”.

This week I have found a new appreciation for my breath and how it plays such an integral role in my well being. I have found myself slowing down and remembering to just breathe, that this too will pass. 

And what I know for sure is that if it wasn’t for what I learned through Debbie and her amazing spirit, I would not be able to sit in this and feel exactly what I need to feel.  As for the rest of it, I don’t know and as Debbie always liked to remind us knowing is the “boobie prize”.  For if we think that we know “it all” we end up closing our selves off to new possibilities.  And in these new possibilities live growth and continual transformation.

Thank you, Debbie for all you have done and for all you continue to do in my life.  You are now officially larger than life and I can feel your energy all around us.

Breathing into it…

 

For more on Debbie’s work go to www.debbieford.com

 

I’ll take a cup of chi to go, please…

Years ago I went to see an herbalist in the hopes to find some relief from the anxiety and exhaustion I was experiencing. After sitting and talking for a bit, she grabbed my hands while gently massaging my wrists.  With compassion she looked me straight in the eyes and said “your chi is gone”. Uh?? What???? 

It has taken me seven years but I finally got it.  Or at least I’ve begun to. The definition of chi that she was speaking of is “that which is the vital energy believed to circulate round the body in currents”.  In simpler terms I believe it to be the “force” (for my sci-fi geek friends) or the “spirit” (for my spiritual friends) and “energy or fuel” (for my scientific friends).  Feel free to correct me on that if necessary.

Just the other day I heard the not so silent whisper again. “Your chi is gone”.   Laughter ensued instead of confusion. Of course, my chi was gone.  I spent a lot of years in the story of “If only I’m enough, they (whoever THAT is) will approve of me and love me”.   Hell, even now while I type this blog I wonder if enough people will read it and if they do will it speak to them.  Is my writing good enough?

We all have the “am I enough” story to some extent.  Who doesn’t want to be loved and accepted for everything they are?  But if we run around trying to be “enough” for everyone, we lose our steam and it drains that energy right out of our body and into whatever person, place, feeling or thing we are trying to control and hold on to.   It’s like carrying around a suitcase full of bricks and CHOOSING every day to wake up and grab that suitcase and take it with us wherever we go.  Sometimes, we end up picking up more bricks on the way throughout our day.  No wonder by the end of the day we end up so exhausted.  Look at the load we’ve been carrying around with us.  Find me the remote, get me something to snack on and leave me be until I the morning.  I’m sure you can all relate to this story.

Don’t get me wrong, these bricks are important.  They can help us create a life that we always wanted.  We just have to be willing to set them down and take them out of the suitcase.  Then we can use them for stepping stones to get to where we want to go instead of carrying them around with us having them take up space and drain us of our energy. 

Tonight, while being grateful for the strength and tenacity I had to carry it around all these years, I will set my suit case down for the last time.  If, for some reason I change my mind and decide to pick it up in the morning, I will take out one of the bricks to lighten my load.  Just think, by tomorrow morning I can be five or ten pounds lighter!

I encourage you to take one of your bricks out of your suitcase.  Maybe it’s your “if only” or “when I finally” brick.  Take the brick out, look at it, marvel at it and thank it for the path it is going to create for you in the near future.  Then you can choose whether or not to put the brick back into your suitcase or to lighten your load.  It’s up to you.

May the “chi” be with you, now and always…

I Feel So Good, What's Wrong With Me?

“I feel so good, something must be wrong with me”. The words muttered out of my subconscious and seeped into my thoughts. Allow me to explain. One of my best friends introduced me recently to a whole food supplement that provides your body with many of the vitamins and amino acids that it needs. She is someone I would trust with my life and hearing her results I figured I would give it a try.

 

I took the first PM capsule two Sunday evenings ago. I woke up the next Monday feeling so alive and present, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I had no brain fog, my sinuses were clear and I felt happy and energetic. Wait, it’s Monday morning. Aren’t I supposed to be dreading being awake this early and having to go into work? I shook off the questioning, made myself the “morning mix” and went to work. By the time I got into the office, I was almost in a complete panic attack. I kept thinking “this can’t be true, I feel so good”. I sat at my desk almost paralyzed thinking “something must be wrong, I feel too good.”

Using my coaching experience I was able to sit in that feeling. While sitting in silence for a few minutes asking God “what am I supposed to know here?” it hit me. I had a deep subconscious belief that “I don’t deserve to feel good”. This hit the pit of my stomach, it didn’t feel good. Well there you have it! I got to prove that I didn’t feel good but feeling awful about it. Talk about a paradox. I got out my journal, had a conversation with myself and was able to recognize where this stemmed from. The good news is now it has been exposed and that when it comes up again, I can welcome in the feeling and let it know that it no longer serves me and send it on its way.

After hearing of Whitney Houston’s tragic death, it made me wonder if she had that feeling too. The feeling of “I don’t deserve to feel good. I don’t deserve success, etc.” Was she so afraid of her light that she chose to stay in the dark?

For me, the dark is my comfort zone. I know it well. It helps me stay small and not play full out in my life. It allows me to blame the world and everyone in it for not getting what I deserve. I’ve lived there a long time. There had been glimpses of light here and there but it was few and far between. Fortunately, I’ve had the support and courage to move through this and choose to play in the light more than the dark these days.

I share this with you today because I want you all to know that YOU DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD! YOU DESERVE THE LIFE THAT GOD HAS INTENDED FOR YOU. TO BE HAPPY, HEALTHY AND SUCCESSFUL IN WHATEVER YOU DO. Life is not about surviving, it’s about thriving and sharing your special self with the world.

In order to step into our light, we must be able to accept that we in fact have a “dark side” (the running joke is that there are cookies there). When we resist that is exists, it creeps up in our lives and sabotages our best intentions. We end up “feeding” the part of us that believes that we don’t deserve good and abundance in our lives.

I would like to invite you to tune into the OWN Network on Sunday to introduce yourself to your Shadow by checking out one of my teacher and mentor’s interviews and screening of the movie The Shadow Effect. Her name is Debbie Ford and she introduced me to my Shadow and has assisted me and thousands of other’s discover their own dazzling light. You can click here for more information.

And as I wrap it up, I would like to seal it with a big bow and share a few beautiful words created by Marianne Williamson (Our Deepest Fear):

“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

With love and respect,

Mary

"Life is like a box of chocolates..."

One of my favorite games that my sibling’s and I used to play and still sometimes do is “guess the movie quote”. We’ll quote a movie and then say “what’s that from?” My brother (and actually my sister too) are really good at the game as they will stump me from time to time and I’ll have to ask for clues. I was talking to my mom this morning about how fun it is to share movie quotes and words that have been spoken by my family such as “how’s the sauce?”, “you must have a hollow leg” and “on the side of your face” (for those, you had to be there but they still bring smiles to my face and I suspect will continue to do so).

So I was thinking about this while driving into work this morning and a movie quote popped in suddenly; “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get” (it’s really fun to say it out loud with the Forrest Gump accent). I am not sure why it was this quote on this particular morning. I’m going to take it as a “whisper” from my intuition and write about what it brought about for me and maybe you’ll get a take away from it as well.

My mind raced over this one because I could write about so many things such as: How to embrace change, the gift of acceptance, not knowing what’s next or how sweet life really is. Then it hit me, maybe it’s about all of that and then some. So here we go…

Okay, so I will admit that there have been times in my life where I would poke the bottom of a chocolate candy in order to see if it was the type that I wanted. If it was, great, I would eat it. But if not, I would put it back in the box and pretend it never happened. And of course, since the bottom of it had the hole in it, it could be hidden and covered up and not dealt with unless some further investigation occurred (you know someone else picked it up, went to eat it and bam! you’ve been exposed)

So this made me think of life in general and how we sometimes put “back” and hide what we don’t necessarily “like” (be it our thoughts, feelings, relationships, bodies, finances, career…) and choose something else that might help us forget (be it diving into work and/or another drink, drug, cigarette, cookie, lover, shopping spree…).

Don’t get me wrong, I am all about the freedom to make choices. It is just sometimes that when we make a choice that we wish we hadn’t, we try to cover it up instead of learning what was there for us to learn in the first place. This can lead us to making the same choice again and going around that same mountain wondering why we keep having the same experience when we so desperately want to experience something else.

When we can step up and take complete responsibility for all of our choices “good” or “bad” (remember those are just words and it’s what we make them mean) it sets us free. We no longer have to carry around the burden and guilt whether or not someone other than us will find out what we did (or thought or were). Then we are able to move into a place of acceptance and peace within ourselves and can set an intention to do better next time.

So there you have it. When we can come out of hiding and change what no longer works we can move into a place of acceptance, forgiveness, love and create a sweet life even though we might not know what we’re gonna get.

And what do you know, I do like buttercreams….


p.s.  I would love to support you in coming out of hiding.  Please contact me at marycunningham67@yahoo.com for a free sample coaching session.

The Liar's Club

“Stop lying to yourself!” are the words that my friend barked at me while participating in an exercise during a three day long intensive.  The exercise called for us to be in our bathing suits (preferably ones that didn’t fit very well) and stand across from each other and judge each other as harshly as we could.  I found it interesting that the comments such as “pale, fat, out of shape, round, frizzy hair” didn’t really have that much affect on me.  I mean I could look in the mirror and see that it was true.  Well at least I saw it as the truth.  The two comments that stung were “gave up and stop lying to yourself”. These two souls saw past my outward image and into my internal world.  I was lying to myself.  I don’t even know if I knew the truth unless it was a lie.

I share this story with you today because it is time for me to come out of the closet.  It is time to admit that I am a miserable, scared, big fat liar.

When we were young we were taught that telling a lie was wrong and that we should always be truthful.  Besides once you start down that slippery slope, you have to keep track of your lies so that the truth is never found out.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not here to promote dishonesty.  I am just wondering how many times we lied to ourselves because we were afraid of confrontation or of being unloved, mistreated, abandoned, misunderstood or (gasp) made wrong.  Maybe we had expressed ourselves and were shamed for it in some way shape or form.   

I can think of many times I was asked “what’s wrong” and in fear of being unloved or abandoned or made wrong I would just respond with “nothing.”  I stayed in my marriage for the fear that if people knew what I was really thinking and feeling I would be thought of as “bad” and “wrong”.  I kept friendships and intimate relationships when I knew their time had passed for the fear of being alone in this world.  The cost I incurred showed up in my body as extra weight causing a downward spiral to low self-esteem.  I not only fed myself with food but with excuse after excuse of why I wasn’t getting my happy ending, why I wasn’t getting the goodies that everyone around me seem to be receiving.  I even made up a lie that had me thinking I hadn’t experienced enough tragedy in order to REALLY deserve all that life has to offer. 

The coaching model that I am certified in teaches us that we are everything; light and dark, stupid and smart, boring and funny, the list goes on.  One of my favorite quotes from my teacher has always been “what you can’t be with won’t let you be”.  In other words, the more you try to deny a part of yourself, the more it will show up.  It might show up in our behavior, in our health, in our relationships or all of the above.  When we can stand up and say “I am THAT” it diffuses the fear and resentment that we have been holding onto and gives us more freedom and wiggle room to be who we really are.   And most of all, when we can accept that we are THAT we are able to experience its opposite.  How would you know what it felt like to feel love if you never felt fear or hate?  How could we feel smart if we never felt stupid?  I think you get my point.

In this case, shining the light on my miserable, scared, big fat liar will illuminate the way to my overjoyed, brave, sexy goddess.  I can’t wait to see her again!

Wishing you all peace and clarity…

Mary Cunningham
Integrative Coach/Leader

A Lesson in Loneliness

It’s around 11:00 pm on Friday, March 11 and I feel sad and alone. I was bitten by a nasty flu bug last Sunday and my body, mind and spirit are all a little exhausted.

At first I wasn’t going to write this blog because the last thing I want is anyone’s pity. I was also concerned about bringing my reader’s “down”. I didn’t want to come across as the “grim reaper”. Then I thought, “what if, instead of focusing on me and what everyone will think, I decide to write this with the intention of helping another feel better and not so alone?” Now THAT was something I could feel inspired about. It reminded me of what I had learned from my mentor and teacher Debbie Ford during a four day leadership intensive this past January.

Debbie and her amazing staff took us from an “I” mentality into the “we” which was explained to us as the collective. I understood it this way. When we come from the “I”, we make it all about us. “What will they think about me, what if they don’t like me, what if I make a fool of myself?” When we are living in the “I” mentality we live in our heads. We separate ourselves from everyone else. When we come from the collective we look at how we can make a difference in the lives of others, how we can be that beacon for someone that feels lost and alone. We become compassionate and have empathy for others. We start to live from our hearts and become a part of something that is bigger than any of us. Then lo and behold, by helping others we in fact help ourselves.

Making the shift from the “I” to the “we” isn’t easy. I had lived in my head for so long I forgot how to listen to what my heart was telling me. Living in my head looks something like me doing what I can so that you will like me, whether or not that means having to compromise my own integrity in order to do so. I feed off of other’s approval and acceptance. When I come from the heart, I am able to get quiet and listen as well as communicate my feelings and desires without having to worry about what “they” will think about me. I am nourished by faith and trust in our Creator and in myself.

This week was a huge lesson for me in living in the “I”. I was alone and had to fend for myself. I had to learn how to nurture and love myself in the middle of my misery. When I made it all about me and my suffering, I just suffered more. When I remembered that I am never truly alone and that I am a part of the One, as we all are, it brought more peace and healing to my body, mind and spirit. I dropped from my head into my heart and experienced more healing and gratitude than I have in a long time.

As humans we will all have moments of living in our heads and then falling into our hearts. If you are interested in finding out how to live more from your heart and getting out of your head, I encourage you to contact me for a free sample session today!

Sending you all light…


Mary Cunningham
Integrative Coach

Integrate the Rejected

We have fallen into Autumn. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. It seems that we just celebrated the holidays and here they are again around the corner.

If you recall, in my last blog I shared my insights about a movie called Eat Pray Love which created a shift in my life by opening up my heart and mind even more. It was this experience that was the beginning of my making peace with what I was resisting, my failures. I had stated that I would continue to dig underneath the mud and rubble to uncover the powerful being I know that resides inside of me. That is what I’ve been doing for the last six weeks and I would like to share it with you in my hopes that perhaps it will inspire you or in the very least help you to know that you are never alone and everyone is going through something at one time or another and when we come out on the other side, we end up stronger somehow.

I know that I have written about shadow work and how important it is to embrace every single aspect of ourselves in order to live fully and express our true selves. I am not sure who first introduced the shadow but I do know it goes as far back to Carl Jung who speaks of the archetypes of our personality, including the shadow archetype which he describes as:

“The Shadow is the personification of that part of human, psychic possibility that we deny in ourselves and project onto others. The goal of personality integration is to integrate the rejected, inferior side of our life into our total experience and to take responsibility for it.”

The part that really struck me in that sentence was the statement “integrate the rejected”. It made me wonder what parts of me I was still rejecting. Who was it that was doing the kicking and screaming and attracting more of what I didn’t want in my life? Well, wouldn’t you know it? I lined up the perfect scenario to go on a “treasure” hunt of sorts and dig and excavate around my soul.

It all started earlier this year when I found out that I would have to reapply for the job that I was currently doing and even better, I wasn’t selected for that position or any other in my organization. Luckily, I was given a transition position which will keep me employed through the end of this year. The puppy that my ex and I had made a part of our family right after we got engaged passed away, my mom was uprooted from her home and had to undergo surgery that none of us saw coming. There’s more, but you get the gist of it. Once again, as it happens to everyone at some point, my life turned on a dime and I had to choose to keep going.

I felt forced to really take a good look at how I was living my life. I asked myself if I was really living the life that I wanted and more importantly was I returning to the person I was put on this planet to be? I guess I wasn’t ready to explore this until just a week ago. I had hit a “breaking point” and was riding an emotional rollercoaster. Thankfully, I called in reinforcements, my troops so to speak and sat down and had some real conversations. What came out of a conversation with my good friend were a few shadow characteristics that I had been avoiding. I went inside of myself and found aspects such as worthless and pitiful but the one that really rattled my cage was my half-ass self.

In coaching, we encourage the client to go inside of themselves as a sort of meditation and connect with that aspect that has been rejected. To practice what I preach, I connected with my half-ass self to see what was going on. Because I had been rejecting that part for so long, it acted out by starting new things and never quite completing them or doing what was needed to make it “good enough”. My half-ass self didn’t feel worthy or deserving of anything else but “just ok”, if even that. The paradox of this is that even though I had rejected this part of me, it was my underlying belief that I was half assed and I had become quite skilled at attracting people and situations in my life to prove me right.

Now that I have shined some light on and reconnected with my half-ass self I could find the gifts that were waiting for me. The first thing that came to my mind was that if I wasn’t half-assed I wouldn’t have tried all the things I’ve done to find what I am truly passionate about. Sure, there are many things that I haven’t finished but so many things that I have. Another gift is the state of new-found peace and completeness with where I am right now, in this moment.

You see, when we are able to embrace our shadows it bring us that much closer to accepting and acknowledging the light that shines in all of us. It’s a delicate balance, like the Yin-Yang where there wouldn’t be one without the other. For how could I truly be powerful if I didn’t see that I can also be pitiful?

Thank you, as always for reading my blog. I hope that your days are as stress and worry free as you choose them to be.

Dancing in the dark and playing in the light,
Mary

www.life4ce.net
Where the answer is YOU!

When Failure is an Option

I have no idea where I am going with this so I apologize in advance if I am rambling. I have so much to get out of me and I don’t know where to start. Starting at the beginning would take too long, so I guess I will start with where I am at in this moment.

Have you ever watched a movie, read a book, or heard a song that you would know would change the way you looked at things? Maybe even changed the way you lived your life and had you question who you were? My friends, this happened to me yesterday. I’m not the same and I believe that change is constant and things never stay the same. None of us are the same people that we were twenty four hours ago. We have all had at least a thousand thoughts since them, some new, some the same. Your cells have regenerated and your body has aged. Though this is a digression, I thought it was important to share.

I have not been up this early on a Sunday since my daughter was a baby and I didn’t have a choice but to get up. This morning, I got up to meditate and visualized a large dump truck taking the trash out of my mind and emptying it into a void that went into the center of the earth for our great mother to take care of and incinerate if necessary. I even stood up to pace a few times and realized that I was trying to escape from myself.

This is the first time in my life where I have been alone. By alone, I mean without my parents to pick up the pieces or a partner that I could become obsessed with so that I could take the focus off myself. I am at the end of a divorce process that has now lasted more than a year. Everything is filed and I am just waiting for that final document which will confirm that I failed in my marriage.

Yes, I failed in my marriage. I could not be the person that he wanted me to be. I couldn’t even be the person that I wanted to be. I was so wrapped up in what the status quo was supposed to be that I lost part of me. The part of me that wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, the part that was vivacious, tenacious and sometimes a little crazy became covered up with layers of drywall and mud filled with graffiti like guilt, shame, selfish, bitch and those were the nicer ones. I find it ironic that it was that girl that my husband fell in love with, yet it was that same girl crying for help and change that caused our marriage to dissolve. Though it does take two to tango, I do not blame him for what happened. I blame myself for not speaking up sooner.

The good news about failure is that, if you are willing to look at the situation, you can learn from what happened and choose another option the next time around. Instead of looking at failure as a curse, I’m going to choose to look at is as a blessing. For if I never failed, I might not ever know what it felt like to be successful.

Where does this leave me in this moment? Since I cannot escape myself, actually since I choose to not escape myself, I will continue to dig through the mud and rubble that is covering up that woman in me that is outspoken, strong, vivacious, tenacious, a little crazy, pleasure filled and passionate. Knowing that with each failure and lesson learned exposes her just a little bit more, makes it all worth it to me.

I leave you all with this quote from Anne Sullivan --- ““Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.”

Sending you all light and love,
Mary

The Two Wolves - Part 2

I've used the story below before on a blog but am sharing it again with a different point of view.

The Two Wolves

A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.

This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”

The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf will win?”
The Cherokee elder replied…
“The one you feed.”

Today, this story took on a new meaning for me. I stepped back, stood at a different angle and read it again.

When I first read the story over a year ago, I thought “Ah, yes. For when we focus on the good in our life we will be sure to create more of that for ourselves”. And now it has taken on a different spin for me.

As most of you may or may not remember from my blog last week, I’ve been sitting in a place of “I don’t know”. Sitting in “I don’t know” has brought forth many opportunities that I know I would have never seen before if I claimed to know it all. It has also brought forth emotions that I am still not always comfortable with. Like the first wolf, I have experienced so much fear, anger, envy, sorry, regret and even hatefulness this last week. Of course, without knowing these feelings we would not know what it felt like on the other side where joy, peace, love, harmony, faith and so forth live. Just because this seems to be the case, it doesn’t always necessarily mean that we should embrace all of our emotions and feel them whenever we need to…or does it?

I wonder if we actually fed the first wolf with acceptance, forgiveness and compassion if that would make it less fearful. Imagine that part of you that sits in fear and regret and all of the other feelings that have been made out to be wrong or bad. What does that part need? Does it need to be ignored and pushed down even further or does it need to be nurtured and loved? Do you need to keep it surrounded by walls or set it free? If you did set it free, what would that look like and feel like? What if it was free to roam about in your psyche knowing that it was ok to be itself and not have to live in fear that you will shut it out?

Some of us have been repressing our feelings for so long that we aren’t sure what we are feeling. I know that has happened to me on many occasions. There have even been times where I have thought to myself “I don’t have time to feel right now”. This week I decided to keep a feelings log to be able to connect with the parts of myself that still might need a little acknowledgment and attention. Not only is it helping me to uncover parts of myself that I thought might not really be there but it is also helping me to realize just how much I do feel happy, joy filled, loving and loveable, no matter what is going on in my life.

And in the words of Neale Donald Walsh “if you want to know the truth about something, ask yourself how you feel about it…”

Sending you love and light...can you feel it?

Mary Laughlin Cunningham
LifeCoach/Writer/Speaker
http://life4ce.blogspot.com/
www.life4ce.net

The Two Wolves

The Two Wolves

A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.

This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”

The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf will win?”

The Cherokee elder replied…

“The one you feed.”

So I sit and ponder today about the angry wolf.  I wonder if he is truly angry because you are feeding it or because you have been neglecting and starving it thus making it even more angry and hard to get along with...

Who Am I?

Today she stood in front of the mirror
“Who am I? Why am I here?”
Though the answers aren’t clear
And she’s not sure what direction to go
She is at peace
When the answer that follows is
“I just don’t know”

Hi there,

I’ve had so many thoughts coming to me the last few days it’s almost difficult to write about just one thing. Because of this, I’ve decided to just let the words out and share what’s going inside of me. It is with this hope that you find what is going on inside of you and even if you aren’t sure what life is going to bring you next, it’s all ok, no matter what.

The last year or so has brought me so many lessons I can no longer count them on my fingers and toes. I have had moments of looking at them as curses, screaming on the inside “what can possibly happen next?” I’ve had times of absolute bliss along with being so low I wasn’t sure if I could pull myself back up and keep going. So what have I learned?

I’ve learned that no matter what, life keeps going. To look at all experiences as blessings. That nothing is more important than friends and family. Jobs come and go. That no matter how hard it rains the sun will come out again. Forgiveness is probably the most important ability that anyone can acquire starting with the forgiveness of the self and then of others. So where does this put me today?

Today, in this moment, I sit in a place of being scared to death and incredibly exhilarated all at the same time. Pieces of my life have turned into ashes and are being washed away with this amazing late spring storm we have been having. As I move through the grieving process of what I’m letting go of, I am celebrating all the new that is coming into my life. The possibility of a new love, a new career, and a renewed friendship is what makes me smile through the tears that I have been shedding. Not to mention the amazing support I have from my friends and family who love me anyway and just because.

So will I be that amazing life coach that inspires humanity to lean back into Oneness? Will I be a New York Times Best Seller? Will I be a mom who teaches her child to take risks and live life full out? I don’t know. But what I do know is that no matter what I become, it will be perfect in its imperfection and that as long as I never forget to keep breathing, keep moving and keep feeling my feelings, it is all going to be exactly as it was meant to be.

What if sitting in the answer of “I don’t know” is what we need to learn to practice in order to allow the windows of unlimited possibilities to fly open and invite us out to experience all that life has to offer? Are you game? If your answer to that is “I don’t know”, you are in the perfect place…

Sending you all much gratefulness and love,

Mary

Observing and Serving - It's a Choice

All dressed in white
Deep navy accents
And just a little red
No tails worn, just a black tie
The time is now
And down the aisle she’s led

Howdy everyone!

Good to “see” you all again. I’ve been off blazing trails and finding my own way. One of the most important things I’ve learned in the last few weeks is the gift of being an observer of my own life.

I recently officiated my first wedding and it was one of the most profound and beautiful experiences of my life so far. You may wonder how this all started. Well, a few months back a friend of mine had asked me how I would feel about ordaining myself as a minister so that I could officiate her daughter’s wedding. It didn’t take me but a moment to say yes. I was honored and humbled to be chosen for such an event. After a few clicks of the mouse, I became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church and consider myself to be a practitioner of Oneness (more to come on this later).

After meeting the rest of wedding party at the rehearsal dinner, I knew the wedding was going to be amazing. Not only did the bride and groom show each other show much unconditional love, but the rest of the wedding party were some of the nicest young people that I had ever met.

The day of the wedding I picked up cupcakes, helped set up the room and checked in on the wedding party to make sure that my friend, the mother of the bride could relax and enjoy the day as much as she could. It was a day of service and observance for me. Granted, it felt different for me to be up in front of everyone and not be the center of attention but I have to say that it was a nice change of pace. I wasn’t there for me. I was there to join two hearts together in love, friendship and family. I couldn’t have thought of another better way to serve than this. During the reception, I sat back, enjoyed delicious food and observed all of the different generations sharing in this special occasion.

Another instance of observance came to me about a week ago while working. Many people where I work are in limbo due to the foreshadowing of restructuring departments and lay-offs. The group I work in is being affected and I am so very grateful for the friends I have at work so we can keep each other going strong and remind each other to breathe and laugh every day. When the moments get a bit heavy and scary we vent to each other. Recently, a friend of mine shared his mantra with me. He said “when I feel this way, I tell myself to take a step back”. I thanked him for that and started taking on the practice of taking a step back whenever life feels like it’s just getting to be a bit too much.

When we take a step back, instead of instantly reacting, we put ourselves in a position of making a choice. We can choose to let whatever is happening to us to decide our fate or we can choose to know that no matter what happens to us, it will always be ok and that whatever we are going through, it is for a reason which will bring us to a higher place of acceptance within ourselves. The more that we are able to expand and enhance the level of acceptance we have for ourselves, the more we will be able to live in that realm with others and before you know it people will want to know what your secret is.

So the next time that your wheels spinning, try taking a step back and observe what is really going on. Not what is going on for everyone else but what is going on for you. Look to how you feel about it and find YOUR truth in the situation. Once you can do that, you will find yourself choosing what is best for you.

It’s all about choices!

Love to you and all that you are.

Walls or Boundaries?

Walls keep us safe

From life’s twists and turns
On the other hand
Boundaries help us to live
Life on our terms

Spring greetings!

I don’t know about you, but the spring fever bug has definitely hit me. With the warming of the sun, the singing of birds and sprouts representing new life, it almost feels like I’m in a musical. Most days I can’t help but to burst out in song or whistle a happy tune just because.

OK, so now you might be saying “what is she on and where can I get some of that?” Friends, I am here to tell you that while it has taken me 42 years to get here, I finally get just how deserving I am along with how loved, loving and loveable I am. It didn’t happen by winning the lotto, finding my soul mate or even being at my “goal” weight. It happened by me realizing there were mountains to climb, obstacles to maneuver and walls to bust through. When I look in the morning at myself and say “I love you and accept you as you are in this moment”, I actually believe it.

Now that I’ve arrived at that place, it might seem easy to say that anyone can accomplish this feeling. Going through it myself, however, I know the truth. Some days it is easier to believe and then there are the days when you wake up and don’t feel like putting on a happy face or those times where you just think to yourself “why can’t I get a break”? I’ve been there, I’ve bought many of the shirts and who knows, from time to time I might go back and visit that place to learn yet another lesson.

What I’ve learned so far is this. I have had to learn how to take full responsibility for my life and honestly, come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t grown up quite yet. I definitely passed my childhood and tween years, but I was stuck somewhere between 13 and 42. I didn’t really know what it was like to live on my own and be accountable. I had no clue on how to be an adult. It was certainly a wakeup call and not as fun as I thought it was going to be. It was time to come to terms with my decisions and choices and how they’ve shaped my life up until this moment.

This shift toward adulthood has had blessings along the way and a fair share of curses. Those moments of feeling cursed came from a “lower” place in me where I stayed boxed-in and busy blaming whatever and whomever I could for my lot in life. That even included blaming me which is otherwise known as guilt. Guilt for who I was, who I wasn’t, who I hurt, who hurt me…you get the picture. The blessings, on the other hand, came in lessons, a-ha moments and forgiveness.

During this period, I realized that there were definite walls that needed to be broken down and that in order to live life on my terms, it would be imperative to put some healthy boundaries in place. If I wasn’t able to break down the walls, I would repeat the same circumstances, yet expect different results. What a perfect blend of crazy that is, no? I went brick by brick, some crumbing with just a touch of my hand, others needing a sledgehammer to get all the way through. I started seeing new light and life through the holes in the wall and kept going. I wanted to see what was on the other side. The feeling I had once I got there was “what do I do now”? I knew I didn’t want to go back and repeat the past but wasn’t sure how to move forward. I went back to my coaching notes and my journals to see if anything jumped out at me. There it was in black and white “setting healthy boundaries”.

At first, I was afraid that setting boundaries would mean that I would have to distance myself from others. Of course I could choose to see it that way, but now that I was looking at life from a different view, I decided to see boundaries as the safety net that we all need in order to bravely go out into the world, take risks and move courageously toward our dreams.

That safety net of boundaries helps us to stay in integrity when deciding what may or may not be in our best interest. It helps us steer clear of negative energy, events and interactions that zap our life force leaving us tired, overwhelmed and stuck.

As you flow through this week, look around and see where you may need to set a boundary in your life. Are you still saying “yes” when what you really want to say is “no”? If so, there may be a hole in your safety net that is in need of some repair. If you have a safety net securely in place, and are willing to share how you arrived there, please feel free to post a comment on my blog page. Your words just may help others weave their nets.

Sending you all love and light,

Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Integrative Life Coach
http://www.life4ce.net/
“Where the difference is you”

Need VS. Deserve

We’ve all made them
We’ve all failed them
Focused on the need
Instead of the deed
Shift the perspective
Uncover a true gem

Welcome to a new decade! I hope you all had a wonderfully safe New Year and have welcomed in 2010 with open arms and hearts.

OK, so I feel compelled to bring up the topic of resolutions. We have all made them and broken them within weeks, days, even minutes. It made me wonder, do we make these resolutions knowing that we are going to break them? Why make them in the first place? We all start out hopeful, ready to take on a new year and create a new us. We resolve to lose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, play more, make more money, work harder, the list goes on and on. When asking others about their resolutions, the response I often hear sounds something like “I NEED to (fill in the blank here)”. I’ve even used that phrase myself.

This causes us to sit in the space of need in order to do something to make us feel better about ourselves. Of course, it is a great idea to get in better health and become the next best you there is, but do we make these resolutions with the knowledge that everything we NEED is already inside of us? Or are we once again looking for that magic bullet that is going to make the difference for us “this time”? What if I told you I had the magic bullet we are all looking for? Is it a powder, a pill, a miracle elixir? Nope. Is it going to cost you an arm and a leg to get it? Nope. Are you ready for it? Are you sure? Do you have what it takes? The secret ingredient to getting the results that you want and living your dream is:

YOUR THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS!

Well, alright, so that’s two things but since your thoughts and beliefs go hand in hand, let’s call them the one secret ingredient. I can write a book about how our thoughts and beliefs affect our lives but that’s for another project. In order to get where you want to go you must BELIEVE that you DESERVE it.

I got a strong message around this a few weeks ago while attending an open house at a new and wonderful wellness center I stumbled upon. I kept repeating “I really need to get going”. Three hours later, one of my fellow lightworkers said “weren’t you supposed to leave 3 hours ago?” I replied to him “well I guess I needed this”. He took my hand in his, looked me in the eyes and said “no, you deserved it”. I will never forget that moment. I got a chill up my spine as my eyes filled with tears and said “you are right, I did deserve this”. Since that day, whenever I hear myself saying “I need” I turn it around and say “I deserve”. It has been an amazing transformation for me.

My challenge for you this week is to look at the resolutions or goals you made for yourself this year so far. If any of them started with “I need”, replace the word need with deserve and see how that feels. For example, instead of “I need to get this extra weight off”, shift that to “I DESERVE to live a healthy life”. Did you feel the shift in the vibration of that?

I would like to end this blog with an excerpt from the book Finding Your Strength in Difficult Times by Dr. David Viscott.

“You deserve to give your best as well receive the best. The world deserves to hear from you. As a matter of fact, the world needs to hear from you. Maybe the reason you don’t feel deserving is that you aren’t giving enough of what you were put here to give.”

Meditation: I deserve all the good I can imagine, all the joy I can carry, the company of friends, the love of myself. All the good. I deserve it.

Sending you all the love, light and peace that you deserve,

Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Life Coach/Author/Speaker/Writer
www.life4ce.net
"Where the difference is YOU"

God bless us everyone and every part

When in a bad mood
Especially at this time of year
They may call you Scooge
Insisting on holiday cheer

To make matters worse
You drag out your internal bat
Making yourself wrong
For this and that

Accept all of you and all that you are
No more excuses and no more blame
Turn that bat into kindling
Stoke your internal flame

Hello one and all,

I hope that your cup is still running over and that you are having the happiest of holidays. If you aren’t feeling quite as chipper as you think you should, this week’s blog will be right up your alley. Call it divine guidance or instinct but I was inspired to write about one of this holiday’s infamous characters, Ebeneezer Scrooge and how he lives in all of us. You might say “Bah!” to that statement but the sooner you embrace your Ebeneezer like qualities, the more peaceful you will truly be.

Though this is my favorite time of year, last week a friend of mine called me Scrooge because I wasn’t being my usual happy and jovial self. When I got home that evening I thought of how many times that I beat myself up because I wasn’t the (happy, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough) person that I thought someone expected me to be. But this time when I was “accused” of not being cheery enough I laughed it off. I was able to laugh it off and remain unaffected by what the person was saying because I am able to love the Scrooge part of me.

As a coach, by asking my clients powerful questions, I help them to uncover parts of themselves that they have been resisting. One of the first steps in this process is to create a list of people (that you know or don’t know) that you don’t like or you would never want to be compared to. The next part is to make a list of that person’s qualities. So when I was called Scrooge I asked myself “what qualities does Scrooge possess”? Selfish, stingy, cruel, clueless, and angry are the qualities that I thought of right off the bat. The next step in the process is to ask “has there ever been a time where I’ve been selfish, stingy, cruel, clueless and angry”? The answer is yes to all of the above. I’ve been them all at one point or another.

You might ask yourself (I know I have) what’s so great about being selfish, stingy, cruel, etc? It takes practice but I guarantee that you will find a gift in that quality that you have resisted. For example, I’ve been selfish and stingy when spending time with my daughter because I do not get the benefit of being with her every day anymore. I’ve been cruel plenty of times to myself. I have lost count of the times I’ve been clueless and of course I’ve been angry. Even if I wasn’t able to recall a certain time where I’ve been these qualities, I have learned that being human and put under certain circumstances will bring out qualities in us that we didn’t know we were capable of.

The other lesson that I learned is that until we are able to accept everything we view as “bad” or “wrong”, we will be stuck and unable to stand in our power, shine in our greatness and share ourselves completely (body, mind and spirit) with the world. Isn’t that the real reason we are all here?

So if you find yourself wanting to say “Bah Humbug!” this season just remember that in order for Ebeneezer to show everyone the truly happy and giving person he was, he had to meet his “faults and misgivings” face to face and make peace with them.

Here’s to a week of decking the halls and loving it all!

Warm blessings,

Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Life Coach/Author/Workshop Facilitator

http://www.life4ce.net/
Where the difference is YOU!

One Cup At a Time

Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced. – Swami Vivekananda


Hello everyone,

I hope that your week and weekend was filled with peace and relaxation.

This morning I went out to do a little bit of shopping and put myself in the midst of the “holiday rush”. I met everyone I saw with a hello and smile. I was amazed at the people who were stunned by a stranger saying hello and actually smiling at them. While it warmed my heart to connect with strangers, I noticed that most of the people running around were on a mission and not taking the time to stop and enjoy the moment they were in. It was almost like I could see their wheels spinning doing what they needed to get done to get onto the next thing.

When I got home I thought of how often I find myself thinking about the future and what my dreams and goals are for the coming year. I thought about everything that I wanted to accomplish and ended up having to take some deep breaths to bring me back to the NOW moment. In that now moment, I began to make a list of not only what I accomplished during the year but also what I considered an incompletion. After celebrating my completions, I took a list at my incompletions and was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine a few weeks ago.

We were on the phone talking about our goals for the future and how when we get excited about creating more opportunities that will move us forward in pursuing our dreams we tend to jump in with both feet and find that our energies get scattered across other areas of our lives. That one new thing that inspired us can end up being “just one more thing to do”. He used a beautiful analogy that went like this, “it is like I have all these glasses on the counter to fill and only have a cup of water to fill them all’. If you had 5, 6 or even 10 glasses on that counter, some would contain a few drops, some would have a little more and some would have none. Now, imagine that you could only drink from one of those glasses. Would your thirst be quenched? Would you feel nourished?

In life coaching, I ask my clients to fill out a “life wheel” where they rate certain areas of their lives including spirituality, relationships, career, finances, health, leisure time and home and surroundings. The areas are rated from 1-10 with 1 being the lowest vibration that they are living from to 10 being the highest. Just like the glass analogy used above, if a client chooses to work on more than one area at a time, they might end up feeling incomplete and undernourished from not paying enough attention and focus to just one area. Learning to focus their attention and energy on just one area will bring them to their goal that much sooner. One of their glasses on the counter is now full and overflowing into the next glass.

Your challenge and opportunity for the week is to see how many glasses you have on the counter and ask yourself “what do I need to do or let go of to allow this glass to runneth over”? If you need to put a few glasses in the cupboard, that’s ok. They will be there when you are ready to fill them up!

Here’s to a week of extra nourishment and hydration.



Blessings to all,

Mary Laughlin Cunningham
Life Coach/Author/Workshop Leader
http://www.life4ce.net/
Where the difference is YOU

Stuffing - Let's leave it to the birds...

It’s used in toy bears

And turkey’s too
Let’s take a look then
At the stuffing in you

Hello my dear family,

I hope that you all had a great week and that you are looking forward to spending the upcoming holiday with friends and loved ones.

This week I sat in contemplation around what I have been most thankful for this year. I am thankful for the courage and tenacity it has taken me to discover the real me. It’s been over three years now and the journey continues. While this year has not been easy or comfortable, it has been perhaps the most rewarding to me. I have been presented with the greatest opportunities for growth and I have just begun to uncover what I stuffed down for so long.

Stuffing is fine for toys and turkey but when it comes to a way of life I wouldn’t recommend it. We self sabotage ourselves when we keep our feelings inside of us. Whether the feelings are based on fear or love, we become afraid to reveal our true selves because of what others might think of us. The need to feel accepted and acknowledged becomes so important that we forget who we are and what we want. We hold back because we don’t want to be rejected. I ask you, what’s more tragic? Being rejected by someone or rejecting ourselves?

When we reject ourselves our thoughts and emotions begin to turn toxic. We begin to believe that we are not deserving or worthy of having everything we want in our life. To make ourselves feel better we either compartmentalize or deny what is really going on. We get involved in using stuff on the outside to make the stuff on the inside more comfortable. We overeat, overspend and overindulge creating a vicious cycle of merely surviving and not truly thriving.

What is even worse is that when we fill ourselves with stuffing we cover up the best part of ourselves, our light and our unique gift that is so needed in the world, right now! So my wish for you this holiday season is for the comfort and security that you need to share your innermost selves with those who you hold so close, starting with yourself. Let’s keep the stuffing on the table where it belongs.

I’m so grateful for all of you!

Peace, blessings and warm wishes,

Mary

Who's to blame?

Playing the blame game

There’s never a winner
No matter who it is that’s playing
A saint or a sinner

Hello everyone,

Hope your week was full of excitement and that you all reached a little bit outside of your comfort zones. Because I have spent a lot of time outside of my comfort zone lately, I decided to celebrate and return to one of my favorite places of comfort, the mall!

Walking through those doors at Macy’s, seeing all the fashion, smelling the perfume and looking at all the décor was like returning home for me. I wanted to shop till I dropped, but I was stopped in my tracks. The only item in my wallet that was plastic was my driver’s license. I wanted to celebrate and be happy that I was no longer living on credit but instead I felt frustrated and a bit depressed. I wanted to be able to shop, to get that fix that used to feed me. The frustration turned into a little bit of anger which quickly turned to blame.

Let’s see, who could I blame for not being able to shop? First, I could blame the credit card companies who charge outrageous interest rates making it next to impossible to EVER pay them off. Second, I could blame my parents for never teaching me the importance of saving money and lastly I could have blamed my ex-husband for not helping me out with my serious financial issue forcing me to close all my accounts and start paying off my debt all on my own. If I let myself stew in this self pity any longer, I am sure I could have come up with more people and events to blame for my inability to get things. At this point, the “old” me may have just decided to be pissed off and leave the mall casting blame and judgment on whomever I thought deserved it. Though it seems like I was immersed in this blame game for what seemed like hours, in reality it lasted only for a few minutes.

Because of the inner work that I’ve done, two things happened next. The first thing that I did was take a second to acknowledge the part of me who was selfish and pouted when she didn’t get what she wanted. I found the girl inside of me that wanted the golden goose and wanted it now! I took a minute to sit down on a bench in the mall, close my eyes and talk to her. I explained that while we may not always get what we want, we will always have what we need and that anytime she wants to throw a tantrum, I’ll be there to listen. After taking a deep breath, I stood up and continued to walk about the mall, taking in the people, the beautiful decorations and the lovely clothes, shoes, bags, all of it. It felt good to not need any of it and just enjoy the scenery.

The lesson that I learned at the mall was that sitting in judgment and blaming others keeps us stuck in the past and we end up giving our power away to something outside of ourselves. It becomes almost impossible to move forward and take action. It is something like saying “well he/she/they/it did this to me so there is nothing I can do about it.” With that frame of mind we become stagnant and our choices become very limited. The only way that we can stop looking back and start looking forward is to take full ownership of our part in whatever the situation might have been. When we do this, we are able to move through life with open arms, eyes, ears, heart and minds creating limitless opportunity.

Next time you find yourself wanting to blame someone or something take a step back, a deep breath and see what part you played in the game. What are you willing to do to turn around the blame, own the game and create a winning outcome, not just for you but for everyone involved?

Wishing you a week of endless possibility and discovery!